The need to believe?

[Whateverist]

I think I'll sleep on it before answering.  Interesting post, Deidre.  Good luck finding your way.  

Any chance you'd be interested in a book recommendation?

Hey whateverist, definitely would be interested, especially if you have read any books whereby the authors are atheists, and they've gone through a long and winding road to finally accept their position. I thought I had accepted it, and then my grandmother died...and I went searching again for something to escape into maybe. She meant a lot to me, like...guided me. She was a devout Catholic lol but, she respected my choice as an atheist back then. If she hadn't died, if we could go through life pain free...would I have ever questioned atheism? Would I have been uncomfortable?  But, life isn't pain-free and obviously, that's not realistic.

The book I'm thinking of is by an author known for his spirituality, and he has written a boatload of them.  Alan Watts is who I have in mind, but I don't recommend any of his books on Taoism or Buddhism and whatever other spiritual disciplines he may have explored.  From a quick look at wikipedia I see that he was born in England, became an Episcopal priest there in 1945 but left that in 1950 and moved to California where he became a member of the American Academy of Asian Studies.

He wrote one book that is basically a meditation on our craving for what we cannot have: certainty in regard to so many of the big questions.  It's called "The Wisdom of Insecurity".  Reading it might convince you that the craving for certainty is common and can be accommodated in a lot of ways, dogmatic religion being one way.  But a "life is nothing but.." approach would be another way to buttress oneself with an equally dissatisfying sense of certainty.  I was probably 25 when I read it.  I think it changed what I was looking for since it convinced me that the only possible security is false security in one form or another.  

If you decide to read it I would love to discuss it with you in PM any time.