Is this homophobic?

[Regina]

That would be overt violence and discrimination, homophobia can be -much- less than that.

Homophobia exists even when it isn't acted upon.  It's a baseless fear or prejudice against homosexuals.  

In that vein, the answer to the OP Q, in pretty much any example in which someone finds themselves asking the question......is yes.  In that, homosexuality isn't an legitimate issue for anything to anyone..so..if we find it somehow cropping up -as- a perceived issue..then, yeah, it's already circling the drain.  Right up there with the "Is it racist if" - pile of questions.  Yep, it is.  But hey, plenty of the time it;s so mild and inconsequential that it's not worth focusing on, right?  

Like, is it racist/homophobic if my grandaddy won't let a gay black man in his house?  Sure...but who cares, why would any gay black people want to be in my grandaddys house?  

I strongly disagree

I think what you're discribing is bias and prejudice absolutely, and we can go into whole conversations about whether "learned bias" and prejudice. However, I think there's a distinction between that and outright homophobia. (Although I do think the example you gave at the end certain is outright racism and homophobia)

I've said this probably a million times before, but I think we have to pick our battles and not throw these big fancy words around so lightly. If I walked around constantly nit-picking and finding so many little small things to police as "homophobic.", all it's going to do is turn people off. Firstly the word loses all impact and meaning. Additionally, you get to a point where people realise, fuck it you're just a sad miserable humourless bastard who can't be pleased. That has the reverse impact of what you're trying to achieve, because people stop trying with you. I'd rather be liked and have wider society see me as a normal person they can get along with, even if it means dealing with the odd ignorant comment here and there, than be friendless because nobody wants to spend time with a Debbie Downer they have to constantly tread on eggshells to avoid upsetting.

So no, I'm not interested in policing some light (and frankly funny) humour, or little trivial issues. I'll save "homophobia" for when people start throwing slurs and bricks at us and denying us employment and marriage.