Autism

[Rev. Rye]

Here's the gist f what I went through as a kid and how it relates to the autism spectrum disorder I have: imagine being thrust into a sporting event where you don't know the rules and aren't even sure you want to play. Now imagine that th other people on the field are more interested in punishing you for not playing by the rules than letting you know what those rules even are. And then they decide they'd have more fun punishing you than actually playing and the referees only have a problem with it when you try and defend yourself. This was pretty much my experience as a kid on the spectrum in a grade school where nobody seemed to care. I came in as a kid just wanting to know what the Hell was going on and I ended it as a messed up kid who was so damaged he was convinced he was a ticking time bomb waiting to happen.

Of course, all this has been tempered by time, an environment that has been, at the very least, less consistently shitty in the past 13 years than before, therapy, and me giving myself time to learn how the world works (to an extent, anyway) .

WOW. This is mind-blowingly vivid. I am sorry you had to go through that. I can't imagine the anxiety. I really appreciate your sharing this.

It's all right. If it makes you feel any better, I've been in therapy for years and am doing a lot better than I used to. It should be noted that the image I presented isn't so much autism in itself as autism compounded by a horrific school life and parents who just had no idea what to properly do.

I honestly suspect being a massive movie buff and a huge reader has helped be navigate through this life, although often I can't help but be disappointed at the disconnect between fiction and nonfiction. Fun fact: When I was at Columbia working on my fiction writing degree, I once said that "the big difference between fiction and nonfiction is that one is a place where anything can happen, no matter how preposterous, and the other is fiction." Not sure if that's relevant, but I suspect it might be.

Also, since the subject has been brought up, my speech was delayed a bit, but I earned to read at about 18 months. My parents say spoken English is my second lanaguage, written English my first.