Polyamory

[johan]

What are your thoughts on polyamory?

In general I think its fine so long as all involved are consenting. No reason it shouldn't be legal. 

That being said, its not for me.  As far as I can see, being in a relationship with multiple partners would provide more of everything. And to me, that's not really a good thing. I mean its great when everything's perfect and you get more love and more sex and everyone's happy all the time.

But you get more of EVERYTHING. So if you're a person who has a history of finding yourself in relationships that are somewhat dysfunctional, it stands to reason that your relationship with multiple partners could be even more dysfunctional. If you're a a person who has a history of choosing partners that turn out to be physically or emotionally abusive, stands to reason you're going to end up with two partners who are physically or emotionally abusive. 

And of course breaking up with one person always hard and complicated. Breaking up with two certainly isn't going to be simpler.

On the abusive thing I'm not just talking theory here, I've seen it happen. I'm friends with a couple who had wanted a third partner since before I met them. Their marriage was solid and strong by most measures but had a few elements that I would personally consider abusive. Namely she tended to talk down to him. Every pot has a lid and this element of their relationship obviously bothered him to live with it much less than it bothered me to see it. Fast forward a bit, they found their third partner and had a small private (obviously not legal) ceremony.

I had moved from the area by this time so I was only aware of the new partner through facebook and phone calls. A few years ago I went back for a visit and met the new wife. And as you would guess this husband now has two wives that routinely talk down to him. Again, he's obviously good with it. But that doesn't mean its respectful nor does it mean its healthy. 

Having more of everything isn't always better IMO.