Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Crossless2.0]

CIJS?

I was sitting there, because my buddy insisted that he knew what he was doing. That, plus you're pretty hot. Gotsta admit. You hand me a dos equis, and I'm like... fuck it. I won't be a snob. I'll drink it. I don't always have to drink craft. You watch me take a drink out of the bottle and your mouth starts spitting out all this anti-craft nonsense.
You: what makes a craft beer craft? Just a label.
Me: Wrong lady, dude. Change subject.
You: If I make a hotdog and add noodles to it, does that make it craft?
Me:  
You: I know I just made you think.

This goes on for a while.

Then I mention my cats, because they're my children.

You: Fuck cats.
Me: Um... what?
You: If I were to visit you, you'd have to put your cats away.
Me: what?
You: In the bathroom, or something. (You laugh hard) Why don't you just get rid of them?

I look around trying to find something else to talk about, but you go back to talking about the stupidity of drinking craft beer. I'm thinking... maybe I'm just too difficult. I need to stop being such a dick. I make a joke.

Me: next thing, you'll tell me you're Republican.
You: Fuck no. Fuck politics. They're dumb.

Can I just say to my buddy who made this recommendation? The fuck were you thinking, ey? How the fuck did that cross your mind? Is this some sort of joke? Imma get you back for this.

Can I just say to the cat/craft/politics hater? Sorry, yo, but your pretty face does not make up for that failed conversation. Also, I'll never put my cats away. I'll put myself away first. Sheyet.

Also... I just met you. HELL no, you don't get to meet my kids.

THE FUCK?! Lol #fail

I once had a visitor who chased one of my cats off the couch.

When I asked what she was doing, she said, "I hate to see cats on the furniture."

That's okay for your house.  This is MY house.  This is THEIR house.

When I said something similar to her she replied, "Well, I'd never have cats on the furniture in MY house."

She left when I said, "Well, feel free to fuck off back to your house!"

There was a little more to the conversation, but that was the gist.

I love cats but now happily bend to the will of two dogs, who are like children to us.

Well, mostly happily.

The truth is I haven't had a decent night's sleep in months because the wife and dogs take about 90% of the bed, and I'm left clinging to the edge and fighting for any scrap of blanket I can get. I made the mistake of complaining about it one night. My wife responded, "You know where the couch is."

And thus every mutt eventually learns his place in the pack's pecking order.