Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[The Industrial Atheist]

CIJS

It has officially begun. It’s taken months of preparing and I won’t back down. A judge will say the last word. This is it. It’s finally here. Money is no longer a road block.

But cijs? Nobody will ever understand how this is so difficult. Why do you feel bad for him? Why do you want to make sure he’s ok afterwards? Why not hit him harder? Fuck. Fuck. You won’t get it. I get you and why you think that way, but there is no possibility of you understanding me. I feel it. How can I still care about the feelings and well being of someone who calls me a whore, tells people I have HIV (I don’t), threatens me, crashes into my car, breaks into my home, searches my car, breaks my furniture, tracks my phone, follows me around, tells my kids I’m not good enough, left me for another woman? I won’t list excuses for him. I won’t, because my reason tells me it’s not enough. I just care. I can’t not worry. That doesn’t mean I won’t do it. I will. It’s already started. It doesn’t mean he won’t have to face the consequences. He will. But stop telling me I’m stupid because I feel bad that he’s in pain. I can’t help not being a bitch. I’m not like him. Caring about his well being does not mean I have feelings for him in a romantic way, it just means I was with him for 11 years and fuck. I want him to get better. As hard as I try to be hard, to be cold, to be tough... fuck, yo. I’m really not. My heart hurts for him. I’m so sad for him. He might lose his job. Fuck. I know he caused this, but I’m hurting for his pain even though I will definitely go all the way with this. I just can’t be a bitch that feels nothing. I feel sorry for him. I really do.

Ivy my good friend, I'm sorry you have dealt with and in some ways must still deal with this guy.
Your kindness is one of the main things that make me feel lucky to be your friend. I'm happy you've set things in motion to get the justice you deserve. I hope this process isn't too hard on you.