This Is A Fair Question

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I'm sure the Christian response would go along the lines of 'you can't judge the book by its translations; in Hebrew and Greek it's magnificent'.

Of course, the very people who would say that with straight faces don't read Hebrew or Greek. 

I actually have a working knowledge of Koine Greek (sadly, not Hebrew as of yet). The honest Christian answer would be that God allowed each biblical author's unique strengths, weaknesses, vocabulary, and style to show in their writing, though the inherent message is inspired. Peter, for example, wrote pretty bad Greek, while others such as Paul and Luke wrote beautifully. Nevertheless, the inherent messages are inspired.

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But EVERY word was dictated by fucking god himself..... or so the assholes claim.

You're wrong. Most educated evangelicals hold that God allowed the biblical authors to use their own personalities, vocabulary, writing style, and even research techniques in writing and constructing their texts, though their message is inspired. Mechanical dictation only occurs in certain specific circumstances (e.g. the Ten Commandments).

Why don't you go peddle that bullshit to these assholes, sonny. 

https://bible.org/seriespage/lesson-1-bible-word-god

From the series: Basics of Christian Faith PREVIOUS PAGE | NEXT PAGE
Lesson 1: The Bible: The Word of God
Introduction
“The Scriptures: We believe the Bible to be the verbally inspired Word of God without error in the original writings, and the supreme and final authority in doctrine and practice.”

These are your pals, not mine.