Fanfictions

[Rev. Rye]

I  love fucking weird fanfiction. I once spent a summer dissecting a strange story called Naruto Veangance Revelaitons. It was allegedly written by a 13-year-old boy from Orange County who seemed to outdo the Marquis de Sade and A Serbian Film in how horrible he can make sex.

Here's a cliff notes of what's wrong with it:

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•    No Character Development: The character development is virtually nonexistent; the male lead (Ronan)  exists primarily to fuck and abuse women, and rant about modern music, feminism, and religion, and his harem exists primarily to be sexually attracted to him. His enemies exist only to promote things he hates, particularly things that are diometrically opposed.
  
• No sane story: The story goes from his battling villains from Naruto to his being a rock star to his ruling Konohagakure according to his whims to his battling the Illuminati to destroying the world with his jism
  
• Horrible writing and spelling. The book is exactly 23 words shorter than the first Harry Potter book, and the number of sentences without a massive spelling error is in the double digits. Indeed, it's fewer than the number of chapters or sex scenes
  
• Bigotry: Here is a short list of groups the author (and thus, the main character) hates: Fans of Harry Potter, Western Animation, and modern music; religious people (especially Christians); women who aren't totally submissive; gay males (he publicly disembowels a guy for admiring his penis); fat people; capitalists; the mentally ill; his stepfamily; and... Croats. The list goes on and on.
  
• Horrifying sex scenes: One of the most infamous sex scenes has Ronan forcing his girlfriend Sakura to mutilate her vagina as punishment for adultery. After she does that, he immediately fucks the wound, causing it to grow back. Also, at one point, she fucks her newborn daughter with a katana.
  
• Bizarre biology: I'll let this excerpt from Chapter 1 explain it. It's how the main character describes himself.
  

 i a 13 years old and have just come to the town. i am 6" tall and hav dark blue hair dat looks like justin beibers hiar (i dont liek him tho FUCK HIM HE SUCKS ALL MODERN MUSIC FUCKING SUCKS). i am very muscula r and have 28' around biceps and hiuge pecx and then i also have a huge dick its almost 2 fet long and realy fat plus i cum a lot ok)

•    Yes, he not only claims his penis is several times longer than he is tall, but the penis only gets bigger, up until halfway through the story, where it reaches 45 feet in length. I have concluded he's meant to be an escapee from the Island of Doctor Moreau. Also, his newborn daughter grows to be the exact same age as her parents within a day of being born
  
•   Deeply disturbing fetishes: Here's just a few: Showers golden, brown, and Roman; incest (he includes his mother, his daughter and the Naruto character who is genetically identical to both of them); he's turned on by the sight of women's blood; pedophilia (to be fair, the girl in question does grow into a mature body within the space of less than a day, but still); getting a BJ from a ghost's severed head; rape; and, of course, destroying the world with one's own Jism.
  

Need I go on?

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In short, it's a book where a monstrosity fucks his mother, his newborn daughter, and the Naruto character who is somehow identical to both of them. It's about as long as the first Harry Potter book and far less readable. The thing was booted off FF.net and was reposted on Blogspot here. (naturally, not safe for work or mental health)

And it turns out the real author is called SoSugoi, and is a lot saner than one might expect. Before that happened, I dissected all 70 chapters on Deviantart under the name Rickersnary. It's available, although you may need to create your own login ID to read it. Apparently, according to the author, I got more references than any of the other people who tried reading/MSTing/translating it.