Ask the Christian

[fr0d0]

I feel like crap...

Sorry to hear that bud.

the God concept I was indoctrinated with then later abandoned, and the one you currently believe is real, are not the same.

Interesting. When you say 'indoctrinated'.. do you mean you were raised into it then?

So he made me, brought me into an existence of mortality in a chaotic reality, with no greater purpose than just to love him from a very-long-distance? How is that not selfish and irresponsible? Not to mention what does a universe-creating god want or need with emotions like love anyway?

Chaos is also beautiful.
There is no greater purpose than love.
It's not long distance, it's in your face.

Regardless, I'm not living up to your god's expectations. Its "hope" of being loved back is squashed by the fact that I don't love him. End of story. Providing I remain rational and skeptical throughout my life, like so many gone before me, I never will love this thing.

Never say never. Keep an open mind: Be skeptical - that includes your own position on things.

There is no potential - therefore it stands to reason that if it exists it doesn't love me any more. You would regard me as a "lost cause" correct?

There is always potential, as long as you have the capacity to think.
No one is lost, even at death.

Currently, despite undergoing various painful operations and clinic assessments in hospital, enduring a suffocatingly cold haphazard reality where people are being born and dying all the time, I am all that I could ever be. I am self-aware. I am able to have this debate with you. While in seventy or so years at most I'll be dead and gone.

No matter what your world view, you can look at things positively and negatively. Sometimes so much shit happens it's hard to see clear of that... I know I'm bad for that.

define god to me

Equivical biblical statements about God:
God is one. (Deut. 6:4, Romans 3:30, Galatians 3:20, James 2:19)
God is holy. (Psalm 99:9)
God is spirit. (John 4:24)
God is light. (1 John 1:5)
God is love. (1 John 4:8, 1 John 4:16)
(source)

You propose this god thingy created me. It has the power to bridge the gap - it has to make the first move.

And he did.. the sacrifice is a done deal.