Assuming a Gender Identity

[Yonadav]

So, is my husband non-binary now because he likes rom-coms, talks about his feelings,  and doesn’t know shit about cars?  I feel like you’re setting the bar really low.

Who sets the bar? Acrobat? You? Your husband? Me? If your husband says that he self-identifies as non-binary would you accept that he is non-binary, or would you tell him that he is only non-binary if you or your accepted authority on the matter says that he is non-binary?

I admit that I am sometimes concerned about non-binary people junking up trans issues.  But I avoid confronting them about it because I figure that non-binary self-identity is probably a real thing, and that non-binary people have real issues that they have to deal with in their daily lives, and I don't want to impose my perspective on them.  Trans people have a lot of experience with navigating the conflicting interests of people from different parts of the gender spectrum. For example, there has always been tension between the transsexual community and the drag community. Many transsexuals, including myself, are not even comfortable with the term 'transsexual community' because there isn't really any such thing. Transsexuals don't hang out together. We don't form communities. A lot of us view drag as being misrepresentative of us, and we sometimes call it blackface. 

But we don't get very public about it. We don't want the public to take sides, because that would end up with each side persecuting the other. We don't want to invite the trouble.  The drag community has sometimes been there for us. Despite internal tension, we know that we probably can't exist without each other. Transsexuals, drag queens, cross dressers, and non-binaries don't agree with each other about a lot of very substantial things. But we keep it quiet and accept each other basically because non of us can invalidate any of the others without inviting the same upon ourselves. Despite our differences, we need each other.