What's cooking, good-looking?

[Mr.Obvious]

Well, you could just boil or oven-heat most things.
Most things wouldn't taste right.
But you could.

I love food, but hate prep. 

Trust me, I if I was forced by gunpoint to make a meal from scratch like you just depicted, you'd be putting your life in my hands. I also would make a horrible firefighter or EMT. 

I am capable of boiling water and burning water.

Oh I hear ya. I hate cooking too.

But I had no choice but to learn it, in school. I got by on my grades in theory. My practice, ranged between 45 and 55% Which I think meant it was digestible. And counted for, sadly, 80% of the course. 

But... It did teach me how to cook. And out of the horrible stress of a classroom kitchen, I managed with minimum flashbacks  of those horrid hours. And thus I got better at it. Also helped that my gf loved it when I cook. And I have a sneaking suspicion she loves it even more because she knows I don't like it. 
Practice, thus, made for progress.