Fighting Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

[bennyboy]

But nothing is stopping me from walking out the door and buying a ticket to the Bahamas. I DO still have some control over my outcome, and that matters. I could do charity work, or go to Thailand and do strange sex stuff, or train to bench 300 lbs. Nothing else in life can really stop me from doing those things if I choose to.

Quite true. Death is so boring and prematurely running to it would only cut off future possibilities. Who knows what life has in store for me in the days to come or in the lives that I will touch? There's only one way to find out and that's to refuse to run up the white flag.

You and I are going to end up talking a lot about this, I think.  I'm glad to make a friend who can share my view on this.

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Sorry to hear you're struggling with this.  I lived most of my life with depression and a desire to be dead.  Only in the last few years has the desire to be dead lifted, due to a release from psychotic delusions, and in the past six months or so, my depression has been significantly better.  I know the feeling of hopelessness that comes from constantly being depressed, and hope you have a brighter future as well.  I just wanted to express my sympathy here, though I may add suggestions later.  Some of the big things you can do for yourself are the most simple, but if you're depressed, they can still be hard.  Good sleep, plenty of exercise, structure, activity are all effective in helping deal with and improve depression.  If I were to single one out, exercise would be it.  It's hard when you lack motivation, but if you can push yourself, it can make a difference.

Yes, I've noticed that if I exercise a lot, it's much less likely that I'm going to have any negative feelings-- well, sore feet maybe, or the occasional twisted ankle.  But inactivity is a very good way to make yourself feel like you're out in the cold looking in through the window of people of action, and to feel really isolated.