Pedophilia

[Rev. Rye]

Because today is the 53-year anniversary and because I think it's a point of comparison I think people might have an easier time of grasping, I think I'll share this: On 1 August 1966, Charles Whitman killed his wife an mother. Then he went up to the University of Texas observation deck and killed 13 other students (plus Claire Wilson's unborn son, and David Gunby, who only had one functioning kidney, which was damaged in the attack, and would live the rest of his life in pain before dying in 2001, his death being declared a homicide), and then, an Austin cop shot him. But the evening before, (around 6:45 PM, which we know because he noted the time he wrote it), he wrote a suicide note which started:

I don’t quite understand what it is that compels me to type this letter. Perhaps it is to leave some vague reason for the actions I have recently performed. I don’t really understand myself these days. I am supposed to be an average reasonable and intelligent young man. However, lately (I can’t recall when it started) I have been a victim of many unusual and irrational thoughts. These thoughts constantly recur, and it requires tremendous mental effort to concentrate on useful and progressive tasks. In March when my parents made a physical break I noticed a great deal of stress. I consulted a Dr. Cochrum at the University Health Center and asked him to recommend someone that I could consult with about some psychiatric disorders I felt I had. I talked with a Doctor once for about two hours and tried to convey to him my fears that I felt come overwhelming violent impulses. After one season I never saw the Doctor again, and since then I have been fighting my mental turmoil alone, and seemingly to no avail. After my death I wish that an autopsy would be performed on me to see if there is any visible physical disorder. I have had some tremendous headaches in the past and have consumed two large bottles of Excedrin in the past three months.

And suddenly, with this, and his authorising an autopsy to figure out the cause of these impulses and his willing what was left of his estate to mental health research, the "why" of the massacre finally fell into place: this was an absurdly elaborate and needlessly bloody cry for help. Do I seriously have to say this doesn't make what Whitman did okay? But it does draw attention to people living with horrible thoughts that they do not want to think. Granted, an autopsy revealed that he had a necrotic tumor the size of a pecan pushing against his amygdala, which I'm going to go out on a limb and say probably couldn't be properly dealt with by doctors in 1966, but reading it for the first time, the one thought that kept through in my mind: there needs to be a better way for him to have sought help. Surely, if he could actually get the proper help, we could have saved 18 lives. What would that entail? I don't know, we need to figure it out!

As I've said before, there are indeed pedophiles who feel the same way about their pedophilic feelings the same way Whitman thought about his violent urges. The only way pedophilia should be accepted is AS A PROBLEM THAT NEEDS TO BE SOLVED. Even if, as many activists claim, it is just another sexual orientation, like being gay or straight, two consenting adults acting on gay or straight feelings won't necessarily fuck up the people involved like a person and a child will. It's obvious to anyone who looks at the issue that a grown-ass man raping a child (especially one who's done it to multiple children) is inexcusable, and the only mercy we should be considering is "maybe it might be better to blow your brains out instead of killing you the same way Dexter Morgan would." But I know that quite a few pedophiles are suffering in silence, knowing full well that the desires they feel are horrible and not knowing how to keep them in check. But a depressing side effect that's happened as a side result of the taboo that's rightfully emerged around pedophilia is that these types aren't seeking help. They only get on people's radar when they offend, and the ones who get caught tend to be less likely to feel remorse over it all. And, as a result, doctors are less likely to encounter these types, and as a result, they're not studying them to get a proper grip on the problem. There is so much that needs to be figured out (up to and including how common pedophiles actually are and which proportion of them are likely to offend), but there is one little thing I think can be part of the solution: openness about mental problems.

I've been pretty open about my own mental issues for a long time, although I freely admit that autism spectrum disorders, Pure-O OCD, and depression (at least as I'm living with them now, with my therapist and my antidepressants plural) are a lot less of a threat to the general populace than pedophilia, but still, until enough research has been made into pedophilia to show that it's a waste of time to try and fix them (and not just the Jared Fogels of the world, but also the pedophiles who hate those feelings they have and want to fix them), if we close the door on those who genuinely want to be fixed, then we're really no better than the legal system who thinks the best way to stop drug use is by locking up minor drug offenders. For all I know, it really might just be a waste of time like trying to fix sociopathy, but if we're not even trying to figure it out, we're barely going to get anything done.