Eternity

[mordant]

Somehow, people don't want to, and apparently can't, sin, so we are all compliant robots with no independent volition at all.

[...]

Ultimately eternal life of the Christian sort is so incoherent a concept that when really examined, it falls apart as any sort of incentive or reward for righteous living.

What you describe here is a view some Christians, but not of others. There is no one view that can be called "the Christian sort." 

Dante's heaven is completely unlike what you describe.

Given that typical notions of hell owe more to Dante and Milton than to the Bible, there's a lot of variation (and even more vagueness) in what individual Christians imagine hell to be. And you're right, there are different version of heaven, too, and heavily embellished from the fairly vague hand-waving descriptions actually present in scripture. People are naturally curious about what heaven will be like, and so the clergy and theologians are happy to provide details. Problem is they don't all agree.

My point however was that regardless of the details, heaven involves eternity, which is never-ending, and we are story-telling creatures of time who really, though we hate to admit it, need stories with beginnings, middles, and yes, ends. Whether heaven is like the life we know or not, it is ENDLESS. This is the fundamental problem. Either we'd lose our marbles eventually or we would have to be remade into something we wouldn't recognize.