(April 7, 2021 at 7:00 am)Five Wrote: I worry about my resolve sometimes.
I think something that might help is to discontinue worrying about your resolve. There are a lot of different interpretations of reality out there. Let yourself be an "agnostic surfer" not really tied to one ideology or another... including atheism. The religious like to portray acceptance of a worldview as some kind of commitment. I like how philosophers do things: as soon as a view becomes untenable, you jump ship.
Save your resolve for real life commitments (wife, career, etc.). Don't waste your resolve on ideology. At least not right now. Wait until you have given those "atheist jeans" time to fully break in, and you feel extremely comfortable in them. Then make a commitment. IDK about atheism per se, but secularism is something I found to be a worthwhile commitment. But I feel no need to evangelize or urge others to make this commitment. I'll leave that sort of behavior to the religious.
Quote:This is the first time in a long time that things have been going so well in my life. Last time I went back to church after years of inactivity, I fell to my knees in a moment of desperate pleading. I felt that validation from the Spirit that I expected, that warmth of an endorphin rush that signalled someone was listening and heard me.
Then again, when I was inactive from church before, I was still a believer at heart. This time is different. Not only do I strongly think there is nothing there but my "probably" thoughts are enraged that I might be manipulated and preyed upon by greater forces. Maybe I could get desperate enough to fall to my knees again but it'd only be a delusional moment where I raise my middle fingers up at the nothing that was cursing me for its pleasure.
i probably get too anxious about this. But the clarity I feel now, I am possessive of it. The old me is a stranger and I can't believe he fell for any of it. So I worry that I am him still, deep inside.
Look man. Life is hard. We all are in danger of falling into such great despair that we will reach out for anything that has even a remote chance of aiding us. Since religious doctrines fall under the category of "anything," you better believe that our desperate selves will reach out for them in times of great strife.
The idea that God purposely enacts such tribulations is manipulative and predatory. Cults prey on the weak and desperate, as we all know... but with interpretations like this, we see that mainstream religion does much the same thing.
And, speaking of interpretations, I've found things like "Humble yourself and you shall be lifted" to be true sometimes. But I tend to look at it like a secular truth. And not an absolute truth either, just one that rings true sometimes. So an atheist can come to believe something like "humble yourself and you will be lifted" in the context of a godless world. It's an automatic psychological process. The only difference is, when a religious person experiences this, they have their peers tacking on a religious interpretation of the events. Instead of just being a truth, it becomes a Religious Truth™.
Next time you experience a "warmth of an endorphin rush that signalled someone was listening and heard me" consider alternative interpretations. Not right at that moment. That would spoil the comfort provided by your current psychological state (in a "thinking too much" way). But reflect on such experiences afterward, and see if there aren't other ways to interpret them. After all, a warm rush of endorphins doesn't necessarily indicate someone is listening. God poking his head out of the clouds and saying, "Hey man. I'm listening." would be a much clearer indication.
