Why do you not believe in the concept of a God?

[johndoe122931]

I have described my journey to atheism, more accurately antitheism, numerous times on this forum. Let me see if I can find a recent introduction, which I will copy and paste instead of attempting to rehash the tale from scratch......

Found it:

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I was raised as a Roman Catholic, was baptized, did the rituals associated with the church at certain ages. We were a Sunday church-going family only through my early childhood, however. From what I could understand, we stopped attending because my grandmother had some sort of disagreement with the priest. We tried another church in town for a short while, but that did not last. The family was still religious even though we did not attend church, but the only times god seemed to be mentioned was when we said our nightly prayers. We were not a zealous family of believers.

I did not have a reintroduction into religion until I was in my late teens, near the end of my high school years. A friend of mine was religious and I understand today that I only fell into the clutches of the Pentecostal denomination due to the fact that I was desperate for friendship; I was a loner, an outcast, and the church seemed to be the only place I could find it at the time. I was a devout believer, much more so than I ever was as a Roman Catholic child, quite zealous to be more precise, and I believed wholeheartedly in what I read from the bible.

This was also a coming out period for me. I was attempting to reconcile being gay with being Christian, and my new friends tried their best, but I understand now that their best was not a true acceptance of me but rather the typical attempt to change me into what they thought I should be in accordance with their beliefs. In the beginning they seemed fine with me being gay, stating that god loved me for who I was, but as time passed it became apparent that god no longer loved me for who I was because they wanted me to shed my homosexuality as though it was a piece of clothing that could simply be removed from my person. I did try, I am sad to state, to change who I was. After all, I was a true believer and I did want to not feel as different and abnormal as I was being made to feel.

I was rebaptized into the Christian faith. My family, mostly my grandmother, was not too pleased about that, but she never did try to convert me back to the Catholic faith.

At the time only a couple of people knew my secret, that I was gay, and one night in church was what brought about my eventual disconnection from religion. It was not to be a quick departure from the lies, but a slow and meaningful one. That night in church the pastor spoke to the congregation about a message from god, how someone in the church was struggling with the demon of homosexuality. My eyes were immediately opened, because I knew he was speaking about me. My eyes were not opened toward the goodness of the church or god, however. Rather, my eyes were opened toward the evils of the institution and the betrayal of the friendship into which I had placed so much stock. I looked over at my friend, knowing that it was her who had betrayed me.

I think I did allow the church to pray for me that night, wanting desperately to believe that they had my best interest at heart but also deep down I was finally awaking to the truth of just what a horrible evil the church truly was. This was around the time of my high school graduation, so I was not there much longer. I continued to attend mainly because of my friends and the sense of community I enjoyed.

When I attended college, I also attended a local church. My roommate happened to be quite religious and we attended together with a couple of his friends who also were new to the college that year. It was not long before I discovered the orator who would forever change my life. I printed out many of his works and I read them with a renewed understanding of what I had previously thought of as holy and truthful. His name is Robert Green Ingersoll, The Great Agnostic.

I eventually stopped attending the church near the college and when I went home for the Christmas holiday was the last time I ever stepped foot in a church again. As soon as I arrived back home, I was sucked into the church by my friends. The new year, 2000, was approaching, and most religious people believed the world might be ending. New Year's Eve was night of praying in church, and I found myself as devout as ever. I believe the fact that the world did not end was what truly broke my ties to the church, because I finally realized what a hoax it all was.

The church is not a safe haven unless one also believes the same as every other theist in that congregation. I was witness to so-called Christians bad-mouthing other denominations. I was witness to a personal betrayal because I could not be accepted for who I was. I was witness to the masks theists wear in order appear good and loving, while underneath they are merely as vicious as their god. I was witness to the truth, and the only thing it had to do with the bible, church, or god was that theists are hardly ever as good as they perceive themselves to be. They seem to think that a mere belief in god allows them license to a demeanor that is nothing more than hate disguised as love.

For a while after discovering Robert Green Ingersoll, I believe I was agnostic. I did not attempt to delve further than his works at that time. I was content being away from the church and having found myself no longer a prisoner of faith. Faith, however, is a fickle thing that can be hard to abandon, as most atheists who were once theists can attest to, and I eventually found myself discovering Wicca.

Wicca is much different than any other theistic path. I actually had nothing except positive experiences with Wicca as opposed to Christianity. I wore the pentacle, I had a book of shadows, I performed rituals and spells. A part of me knew that magick was not real, but that did not deter me from the path of what I perceived as much more relevant, caring, loving than Christianity. I identified as a Wiccan for a quite a while, longer than I had been a Christian, until I made a slight shift that one could consider semantic. I decided to identify more as a pagan than a Wiccan. I use the term semantic, because I doubt there is much of a difference between the two terms, especially since Wicca is a mere sub category of paganism. During this time, I was posting on a site called Bolt. The Wicca and Christianity boards were my favorite. The site was shut down and I moved over to MySpace.

My beliefs began to change again when years later I discovered the religious forums on MySpace. Those forums no longer exist, but that is where I began my journey toward atheism. I eventually identified as an Agnostic Theist. Posting there helped me to come to terms in shedding theism altogether until I began to identify more as an atheist. Most militant, zealous, theists who de-convert also tend ot become militant atheists. I was no different in that respect. My militant outlook led me to identify as anti-theist.

When the MySpace forums were removed I did not post anywhere for a long time. I tried a couple of religious debate forums, but I was banned because of my straightforward, unapologetic way of posting. I mainly just floated around Facebook for a while.

I came across this forum nearly two years ago, and I hope to remain here for many more years to come.

As a militant anti-theist, I find absolutely no truth or relevance to religion, the bible, or the theistic god I view as purely non-existent. I will not apologize for the way I post in relation to theism and toward theists. Theism is a veritable plague that needs to be brought to the point where it no longer has any relevance in society, because even I know wiping it out completely is an impossibility, and the way I post will continue to reflect my abhorrence for that which is a veritable disease upon humanity. Theism stopped having any relevance when we began to reason. To cling to primitive ideas is unreasonable and merely aids in delusion. There is no good that theism can provide that cannot be found through secularism, and what good theism does profess to possess is never truly good at all.

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Wow, amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. If I may ask you a question. Do you still talk with your grandmother and family and do they now know that you are homosexual? If so how did they take it? I know these are very personal questions so please feel free to tell me to kick rocks if you do not want to share that information. Thank you again!