(December 13, 2022 at 7:39 am)Macoleco Wrote: I just dont know what to think. But I just get the feeling I will not see her again. It is just so confusing when everything is going fine, and you end up with a bunch of contradictory statements. Maybe if we were having a bad time or something I could understand, but I dont know.
This is of course a vague explanation since non verbal communication can not be transmitted accurately.
I feel for you here. This is not a fun situation to be in.
One thing to keep in mind, maybe: a kiss is a big deal in Japan. It's practically promising to have sex. (And of course lots of women do have sex in Japan, even on the second date, but you two may have been interpreting the kiss very differently.)
I once made the mistake (very early on) of giving a girl a quick good-night kiss before she got on the bus to go home. Totally normal in many cultures, but given the norms here I might as well have been trying to feel her up in public.
Not everything has stayed the same since I was courting in Japan 30+ years ago. Judging from what your friend has told you, though, I'd say she genuinely likes you and respects you. She enjoys knowing you and doesn't mind at all hanging out. For whatever reason though, she doesn't want a lover and (as often happens here) feels uncomfortable about saying things straight out. If she thought you were a creep, she wouldn't give excuses, she'd just say "get lost." It's frustrating, since it would probably be less painful if she could be more direct.
I think they call this "friend-zoned." I remember how painful that can be.
If it's any consolation, statistics show that more and more Japanese people are choosing not to be in romantic relationships at all. In a sort of cold-hearted cost/benefit analysis, lovers are seen as too much of an investment.
And I know it's no fun to hear right now, but there are more fish in the sea. I could write a catalog, from personal experience, of the many ways a foreigner can get rejected by Japanese women before he finds the right one. (And now the right one and I have been married over 30 years.)
