(September 13, 2023 at 12:37 pm)FrustratedFool Wrote: They're for suckers, mostly, it seems to me. Like every self-help book and lecture in my experience. I guess I went through so many for the same reason I buy lottery tickets: irrational hope borne of desperation and manipulated by grifters. Reminds me of religion.
I can feel that. After I did the motivational interviewing and life mapping stuff, realizing after several hours poured into it over several days that it was not FOR me, I felt like I wasted my time. But...in the way that I also feel like colouring in a colouring book or reading in the bath feels like a waste of time to me. I have a hard time relaxing, letting go, and I desire to feel productive all the time. ...but that sometimes ends up with my body zapping me of energy or making me sick so I am literally forced to rest. So, in actuality, despite being an artist(and very cynical about it on top of that), I sometimes engage in the occasional colouring book with markers r pencils, filling in someone else's lines.
Objectively, yes, I did just waste time. I can't show it off to anyone and be proud of filling in lines I didn't draw with colour. And I wasted materials on this thing that nobody will see and I'm not proud of. However, for 20-30 minutes, I listened to music and let myself fucking BREATHE and unwind, while engaged in an activity adjacent to my gifts and work. So, in that way, it wasn't truly a waste of time. My uptight butthole getting unclenched for a bit and my heart probably thank me.
So, occasionally, I'll get bit by a wild hare and need to reinvent my life or try something new to keep the existential dread at bay and I'll pick up a philosophy or method from a help help guru for a couple months. And yes, I almost always end up realizing that the methods either don't work or are not geared towards me. But it often comes as a kind of "reboot" of my system where I walk away settling on my own takeaways from whatever I was immersed in. I think I sometimes need to have my pity party, then beg for someone to give me some pointers, and then cut them off with, "No. That was dumb. You're wrong. But I know what I need to do and I feel better now."
