Divergent sexualities

[Belacqua]

As discussed above, reciprocation is not required to generate the emotion/sensation of love.  As is evidenced by the love people have for imaginary friends and deities.  And objects.

Consider a little thought experiment (along with the ones previously given):  You are in love with a beautiful man, who, unbeknownst to you, is a psychopath who is merely pretending to love you back in order to con you out of your wealth.  There is no true reciprocity of love, but your feelings are exactly the same as if they were.

This seems clear to me. Introducing the idea of reciprocity changes the subject from the nature of what love is to something else -- to people's idea about what makes a satisfying relationship. But those two things are different. 

Everybody knows what unrequited love is. Probably everyone has felt it. If I say, "I love that girl but she doesn't love me," then I don't think it's correct for someone to reply "No, you don't really love her because that isn't reciprocal." 

It might be reasonable to say, "You'd better forget about it because such love isn't going to be satisfying." But it's not correct to say it's not really love. 

In terms of love for non-human things -- I had never really thought about this as love before. But I certainly feel strong connections to certain objects and places. They are touchstones in my life, and my soul (for want of a better term) is mixed up with those things. If they were to be destroyed, I would feel very bad. So if we grant that what I feel is a kind of love, then obviously this is not reciprocal, because inanimate objects don't love me. If the garden of Honen-In were to burn down, I would feel bad. But if I burned up, Honen-In would feel nothing -- it can't; it's a garden. In my case it doesn't fall into the category of romantic or sexual love.

If people want to argue that the best type of relationship for human flourishing is a reciprocal love between two living adults, I can understand that argument. It is very beneficial to have someone you can trust, who can tell you when you're being unreasonable, who can give the kind of feedback and support that love dolls can't. 

At the same time, it is not my place to judge other people's arrangements. If for whatever reason someone chooses a relationship that's different from what I want, it is not my place to say "You've failed; you should have wanted what I want." And it's certainly not my right to read their minds and say "What you're feeling seems like love to you but I can tell you you're wrong." 

Non-reciprocal love is real. While old-fashioned people may declare reciprocal love to be the only kind that is good to have, that's our opinion and not something we should be scolding others about.