Logic and reason were key for many of us in our deconversion journeys, but I think there’s an even more powerful tool: empathy.
Atheists are often stereotyped as loud, proud, arrogant, and unwilling to listen. When you feel like you’ve been lied to your whole life and you uncover what you believe is the truth (i.e. the lack of historical credibility in the Bible, the delayed authorship of resurrection accounts, or the moral contradictions in the idea of an all-good deity) it’s natural to want to shout it from the rooftops.
But in my experience, what actually gets people to listen, if they ever will, is showing empathy for where they’re coming from.
Think about something simple like buying a car. Most people won’t go with the most logical or well-reasoned salesperson. They’ll go with the one who made them feel heard and understood, someone they trust.
The great thing about secularism is that it doesn’t rely on fear, conversion quotas, or hidden agendas. It’s grounded in intellectual honesty. That gives us the space to have real conversations with people about understanding themselves and reflecting more deeply.
When I left religion, I spent time on both Christian and atheist forums. It wasn’t the endless rebuttals or snarky takedowns from atheists that swayed me. It was a Christian who once told me, “If you’re lost in your faith and in darkness, explore that darkness.” He was being sincere and empathetic. Ironically, that was what helped lead me out of religion. But it happened because he understood my position and gave me the space to question things honestly.
If you’re secular, you don’t have a divine command telling you how to treat others. You probably ground your ethics in humanism, empathy, or some kind of utilitarian concern. That means the way you communicate matters. Being right isn’t enough. Being understood is more powerful, and that starts by making others feel understood first.
If you were once religious, you know what it’s like to believe. Don’t forget what it felt like to be in their shoes.
Forever Sophist
Atheists are often stereotyped as loud, proud, arrogant, and unwilling to listen. When you feel like you’ve been lied to your whole life and you uncover what you believe is the truth (i.e. the lack of historical credibility in the Bible, the delayed authorship of resurrection accounts, or the moral contradictions in the idea of an all-good deity) it’s natural to want to shout it from the rooftops.
But in my experience, what actually gets people to listen, if they ever will, is showing empathy for where they’re coming from.
Think about something simple like buying a car. Most people won’t go with the most logical or well-reasoned salesperson. They’ll go with the one who made them feel heard and understood, someone they trust.
The great thing about secularism is that it doesn’t rely on fear, conversion quotas, or hidden agendas. It’s grounded in intellectual honesty. That gives us the space to have real conversations with people about understanding themselves and reflecting more deeply.
When I left religion, I spent time on both Christian and atheist forums. It wasn’t the endless rebuttals or snarky takedowns from atheists that swayed me. It was a Christian who once told me, “If you’re lost in your faith and in darkness, explore that darkness.” He was being sincere and empathetic. Ironically, that was what helped lead me out of religion. But it happened because he understood my position and gave me the space to question things honestly.
If you’re secular, you don’t have a divine command telling you how to treat others. You probably ground your ethics in humanism, empathy, or some kind of utilitarian concern. That means the way you communicate matters. Being right isn’t enough. Being understood is more powerful, and that starts by making others feel understood first.
If you were once religious, you know what it’s like to believe. Don’t forget what it felt like to be in their shoes.
Forever Sophist
Ex-believer. Secular philosopher. Forever Sophist
I am on YouTube! 
“Maybe, this lack of purpose, lack of innate meaning, and lack of cosmological grandeur is perhaps the most liberating thing we can enjoy as humans.”
I am on YouTube! “Maybe, this lack of purpose, lack of innate meaning, and lack of cosmological grandeur is perhaps the most liberating thing we can enjoy as humans.”
