The kudos from me is both a recognition of myself in your words and a sympathetic arm around the shoulder. I tried to write down a little of what's inside me now, what I'm experiencing and how I feel. I cannot.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'