My advice to brotherly love, from very personal experience, Christianity will eventually disappoint you. It is attractive to you because you are a spiritual person. You seek happiness and joy but it will not be found in a European/Middle Eastern religion. It is too corrupt and it's theology is warped. You already sense this. I would advise someone like you to check out Buddhism. You will be much more at home in it. Unfortunately, you may face social isolation and greater uniqueness in following the Middle Way of the Buddha, but over time, it will be revealed as the greatest truth one could embody and enjoy! 
Life is a journey not a destination!
Life is a journey not a destination!
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.
Buddha
There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.
Buddha
