9/11 Truthers

[Dotard]

How does it feel to be the smartest man in the world?

Oh Oh Oh! I can answer that one!

See, (true story!) I'm one of those people who actually died, physically, on an operating table and was resuscitated minutes later.

When I died, I found myself at the pearly gates with God himself opening them up and welcoming me into his kingdom. This perplexed me as an Atheist and God explained he only allowed the smartest people in heaven. Always did. All religions and holy books are bunk he had nothing to do with.

Cool! Ok, I thought. God then invited me to eat with him! I accepted of course.

He takes me to a little hill where you could sit and see Hell, he quite enjoyed dining there watching Hell and all the damned, and opens a can of tuna and a bag of crackers. 'Odd' I thought about the meal, but WTH, I'm dining with God.

Eating my crackers looking down into Hell, I noticed the inhabitants eating steaks, lobsters, creme' brulee' and the like. God invites me to dine again with him the next day. Can of tuna and crackers are on the menu again.

This goes on for three days in a row, us eating tuna and crackers and the denizens of Hell dining on steaks and lobsters, when I couldn't take it anymore and had to ask.

"God, why is it we eat tuna and crackers and they eat steaks and lobsters with all the trimmings?"

God replies, "It ain't worth all the trouble of cooking just for the two of us."


Then I was resuscitated and still don't remember any of that.

Point is, it felt lonely.