Weariness

[jackman]

happens to me pretty often. i don't know if my family thinks i'm looking for attention or if they just think "oh, here he goes with a new *thing* again!" the fucked up part is that they think i'm flighty, like i change ideas often and can't stick to anything. it drives me crazy, because i do not change ideas quickly, i change when it's come to the point that i've exhausted my resources and have no known path to continue. they don't see all the work, learning behind it. just the fact that i'm flighty. smh. i've owned a clothing line, driven taxis, sold shit door to door, done mlm, i had a paper route when i was 10 (try that now, pre-teens knockin on old people's doors asking for $1.25, lol), took classic guitar lessons, and i hustled bubble gum and hot toothpicks in school. i have a plan but they don't see it. sometimes i don't either.

sometimes everything that i'm doing at once, comes to a head and i realize i'm either behind on everything, or just have a need for one person that i can't find. it pisses me off. to get past it, i like to go camping solo with my telescope. takes me wayyyyy out away from what's pissing me off, even when i'm only an hour outside of the city. well, that or the massage parlor ...