Stop me from chasing religion, for the love of G- oh...

[Faith No More]

Living as an atheist has never been very difficult for me, because even before I had decided that I didn't believe in god, god was not a source of meaning in my life. Admittedly, in my teens I suffered from depression mainly fueled by existential question that could have easily been solved by giving myself to one religion or another, but I was raised to seek the truth, which none of the religions seemed to offer. After a series of hardships in my twenties, I started searching for god in the hopes that there would be a comsic explanation for what I was going through. I didn't want to believe that what I had seen and been through was simply random circumstances. I wanted to believe that there was a deeper meaning, and that a god was trying to teach me or tell me something with what I had been through. Alas, no god ever showed itself to me, and finally I accepted that life was not driven by divine fate.

In a way, I think I am a much stronger person for dealing with my problems head on instead of simply going the easy route with a belief in god. I made it through without a deity, which gave me the strength to accept that there are things in life beyond my control. Relgion is a way of exerting control over a chaotic, indifferent universe. Accepting the reality of this, however, is liberating, and it allows you to truly focus on what you do have control over. Understanding what I am and am not able to control is what allows me to be an atheist.