I always hated your arguments but liked you. You've always seemed spiritually attached to Deism as if by an invisible bungie cord. I find that frustrating.
I'm reminded of Mark Twain's comments about death, and how he had not existed for thousands of years before being born and wasn't overly troubled by it. Alas, you can never go back to when you didn't know the pleasures of forums, but as you are missing them, remember it is only because they once lit your path with pleasure. You may be back. You may not be back. Do not grieve. Pleasure is only pleasure if it's temporary. There are other pleasures out there that you are not yet missing because they haven't found you yet. When you find yourself missing here, reach forward to the 'here' and 'there' that you've yet to find, and have faith that they are there, waiting for you to find them.