My progress report in defeating my illness.

[Mystic]

I don't like calling God's names anymore because I realize I have distorted view of every name. I am just going to call him the helper. If I say "light", I don't know the light, so what will I think? If I say compassionate, I don't know the balance between compassion and justice, so I get lost. All his names make me more confused about direction. I don't know if being wrathful contradicts being merciful or as Imam Khomeini says, they manifest the same glory. I don't know if I should be in awe of his power because I don't know if it's good to worship power. But I believe he will help me, mainly, because I realized, no one else will get me out of my lost state and get me out of the deep ocean of darkness. Medications just leave you satisfied with being plunged into darkness, having no strength, being broken and not rebuilding yourself. No they actually kill your will power over time, kill your emotions, and plunge you on the side of despair over the side of hope. They are not a solution, they are a compromise.