Recently, my wife made an interesting comment in observation of my habits and attitudes. Bear in mind that I’m no angel, but neither am I a tyrant in any sense of the word. Like everyone, I have my good days and my not so good days, and for me, the worst of them were frequently colored by my judgments of others, and the resulting subsequent negative attitudes and pronouncements I would sometimes make. Obviously, my cognition of my construct was in tact, but still I could not seem to muster the wherewithal to break free from certain cycles of behavior. Now, onto the interesting comment my wife made. She came to me the other night while I was working, she gently sat next to me and said; “I want to thank you for being so sweet and thoughtful recently. You haven’t been angry or frustrated at me or anyone else. I’m not sure what you’re doing, but please continue. I love you.” I was delighted and humbled; delighted because I had been a pleasure to my wife, and humbled by seeing my own capacity for humanity apart from dogma - allow me to add some context as I explain further.
I became a christian at age 33, and I am currently 46 years old. I have identified myself as atheist now for about three months, and while the transition back to sanity has many personal challenges to overcome, it most of all has a destination to attain. As a christian, I faced the same difficulties and respective personal challenges as any other person may, theist or otherwise. In my case, I prayed and I prayed, fasted and preached - I fervently practiced the tenets of my faith, all the while dying inside from the hollow, empty, lifeless lack of response to my earnest pleadings of god. God’s word (the bible) was my source of guidance on moral issues and in matters having to do with spiritual things. Still, as I said, god was nowhere to be found in these things, and I became aware that my ‘faith’ was in fact a flaccid placebo for reason and truth, and hence, I often lashed out at others in my frustration.
Judgments abounded. All around me I saw other ‘christians’ like me doing the same things I was; lying, stealing, hypocrisy, and the ilk. I begged god to answer my cry, and to free me from the bonds of judgment and shame - no reply. I cried out to god day and night for him to claim his church, and let his people see their sins, and repent - nothing, and still I went on judging my fellow brethren who continue in their ‘sin’ to this day. I had become a religious prick. Never was I better at calling out the sins of others, and when I began calling out the pastors and leaders, my services as a believer were no longer required, and I was asked to leave three separate ‘churches’.
Now, I have not been to church in weeks, and I feel great! I see others as human beings now, and not as ‘believers and unbelievers’. I’m free now not only to be fully human, with all of my capacity for greatness internally clashing with my weaknesses, but perhaps more importantly, I am now free to allow the same in others. Before, I would see myself or someone else having a struggle as a sign of some spiritual battle, and I would ‘discern’ (judge) what action, or inaction was required, and as any good christian should, I prayed. Still, my judgments were crippling, and harmful to relationships. My wife obviously saw this and was greatly affected by my attitudes and behaviors, hence her recent comment.
Yes, it seems that now, since I've ditched the dogma, I am a kinder and more forgiving person. Indeed, it seems that christianity had turned me into an oracle of god, leaving little to no room for stepping off of the narrow path. Now, without religion, I am a kinder, more patient, gentler, more attentive and considerate man. Now, if I see someone in need, I need not inquire of the all-knowing, all-loving, non-existent god who doesn't give a rip about humanity because he doesn't exist. No, now I needn't inquire of any deity to see the reason and care in giving myself unto the needs of others (including my observant wife).
In short, my ‘morals’ have improved exponentially since I have identified myself as atheist. After all, now they are indeed MY morals, and they agree with the constructed order of my current system (family/peers/social groups), lending toward a much healthier community aspect. My ‘morals’ are NOT dictated by some disenfranchised, dysfunctional, bronze-age dogma designed to control and coerce mankind. I can honestly say that I have become a better ‘christian’ as an atheist than I ever could have been as a sheep. Bahhh Bahhh Jesus, hello humanity.
Thanks for reading.
I became a christian at age 33, and I am currently 46 years old. I have identified myself as atheist now for about three months, and while the transition back to sanity has many personal challenges to overcome, it most of all has a destination to attain. As a christian, I faced the same difficulties and respective personal challenges as any other person may, theist or otherwise. In my case, I prayed and I prayed, fasted and preached - I fervently practiced the tenets of my faith, all the while dying inside from the hollow, empty, lifeless lack of response to my earnest pleadings of god. God’s word (the bible) was my source of guidance on moral issues and in matters having to do with spiritual things. Still, as I said, god was nowhere to be found in these things, and I became aware that my ‘faith’ was in fact a flaccid placebo for reason and truth, and hence, I often lashed out at others in my frustration.
Judgments abounded. All around me I saw other ‘christians’ like me doing the same things I was; lying, stealing, hypocrisy, and the ilk. I begged god to answer my cry, and to free me from the bonds of judgment and shame - no reply. I cried out to god day and night for him to claim his church, and let his people see their sins, and repent - nothing, and still I went on judging my fellow brethren who continue in their ‘sin’ to this day. I had become a religious prick. Never was I better at calling out the sins of others, and when I began calling out the pastors and leaders, my services as a believer were no longer required, and I was asked to leave three separate ‘churches’.
Now, I have not been to church in weeks, and I feel great! I see others as human beings now, and not as ‘believers and unbelievers’. I’m free now not only to be fully human, with all of my capacity for greatness internally clashing with my weaknesses, but perhaps more importantly, I am now free to allow the same in others. Before, I would see myself or someone else having a struggle as a sign of some spiritual battle, and I would ‘discern’ (judge) what action, or inaction was required, and as any good christian should, I prayed. Still, my judgments were crippling, and harmful to relationships. My wife obviously saw this and was greatly affected by my attitudes and behaviors, hence her recent comment.
Yes, it seems that now, since I've ditched the dogma, I am a kinder and more forgiving person. Indeed, it seems that christianity had turned me into an oracle of god, leaving little to no room for stepping off of the narrow path. Now, without religion, I am a kinder, more patient, gentler, more attentive and considerate man. Now, if I see someone in need, I need not inquire of the all-knowing, all-loving, non-existent god who doesn't give a rip about humanity because he doesn't exist. No, now I needn't inquire of any deity to see the reason and care in giving myself unto the needs of others (including my observant wife).
In short, my ‘morals’ have improved exponentially since I have identified myself as atheist. After all, now they are indeed MY morals, and they agree with the constructed order of my current system (family/peers/social groups), lending toward a much healthier community aspect. My ‘morals’ are NOT dictated by some disenfranchised, dysfunctional, bronze-age dogma designed to control and coerce mankind. I can honestly say that I have become a better ‘christian’ as an atheist than I ever could have been as a sheep. Bahhh Bahhh Jesus, hello humanity.
Thanks for reading.
