And Hells come back to haunt me

[Esquilax]

didn't say important. seems the U. is rational, and rational would mean it's activity would have meaning. heat death or no afterlife would certainly imply nothing eventually matters. no, yes?

The universe seems rational because you're a human, and can hence recognize patterns enough to see a semblance of order, assuming you're willing to cherry pick and avoid all of the things that, really, don't make a lot of sense. There's nothing inherently rational about the universe because rationality is a process that takes place in minds.

As to your second statement, I have to ask again: why are you so afraid of personal meaning? Whence springs your desperation to have the details of your life dictated to you by a god?