Wow, you have a pretty selfish view of flirting.
No, I flirt because I enjoy the banter, and because there's a certain stimulation in making someone else feel attractive. Also, even if a person is confident in themselves, flirting isn't about making yourself feel physically attractive necessarily, but engaging your brain so that you feel appreciated as a whole. It punches everything up at least another notch.
There's a certain something about romance where the person who is romancing you makes you feel like the stars - for a time - revolve around you. You feel important. You might already know you're important to any number of people, but this one particular person (or many - it can be more than one at a time) turns the world into a smorgasbord of sensation, and you're at the center of a whirlwind of excitement and nerves and happiness so bone-deep, you feel drenched in light. The world could be going to hell in a handbasket around you, and you would be there, incandescent and hopeful, because the delight suffuses you utterly.
Flirting is like tapping into that, briefly. Not a symphony, but a handful of notes...like someone teasingly gliding through a portion of a familiar and much-loved melody on a piano. It doesn't have to be about gaining attention for the player to feel good, but because they know it will make a person they admire smile. Because it invokes memories and feelings that lighten somber moods and create connections. I suppose you could consider it selfish - I doubt there is much at all that humans do that couldn't be considered so in some respect - but it's not so forced as you suggest.
For one, I can flirt with a man, and often do, because I do like him...but not because I want to "not be alone." Many people suffer from that, but I personally do not, and I know many other people who also don't. "Developing a relationship" could mean a couple things in my book - I flirt often with my friends, with no intention of forming a romantic or sexual relationship with them. Developing our friend relationship further might be a result, but I can do that in many other ways as well. But flirting is fun, and keeps me and the other person touching that happy feeling.
I never flirt with people I don't like, so your idea of flirting solely for my own ego boost doesn't really work. If I flirted only because it was making ME feel good, I wouldn't be very good at it. There's a certain amount of sincerity needed for it to work. Thus, because I sincerely like that person and want them to know it, I'm automatically NOT doing it just for my own ego...because my own ego is at least equaled by my wish to make that person feel good for their own sake. I could never talk to that person again, but still count the flirt well-done.
Because it has nothing to do with making my confidence better. In fact, I probably wouldn't be very good at flirting if my confidence wasn't up to a certain point. It has everything to do with confidently making that person see, just for a moment, themselves reflected in my eyes. They experience for a brief time their self that I know and care about. No longer is that man (or woman) over-worked, graying, tired, and dull. He sees himself again - interesting, worth-knowing, invigorated, attractive, and exciting. And it's a true self they see, because as humans we're multi-faceted and unfortunately get stuck seeing only a handful of ugly sides of ourselves quite often, and forget the others. I like making people see the others.
Maybe I get a selfish boost because I can say *I* made someone feel that way. That certainly makes me feel special. But they feel special too. If it worked on your principle that "more attention" equals better, then it wouldn't be so fun to do in private.
No, I flirt because I enjoy the banter, and because there's a certain stimulation in making someone else feel attractive. Also, even if a person is confident in themselves, flirting isn't about making yourself feel physically attractive necessarily, but engaging your brain so that you feel appreciated as a whole. It punches everything up at least another notch.
There's a certain something about romance where the person who is romancing you makes you feel like the stars - for a time - revolve around you. You feel important. You might already know you're important to any number of people, but this one particular person (or many - it can be more than one at a time) turns the world into a smorgasbord of sensation, and you're at the center of a whirlwind of excitement and nerves and happiness so bone-deep, you feel drenched in light. The world could be going to hell in a handbasket around you, and you would be there, incandescent and hopeful, because the delight suffuses you utterly.
Flirting is like tapping into that, briefly. Not a symphony, but a handful of notes...like someone teasingly gliding through a portion of a familiar and much-loved melody on a piano. It doesn't have to be about gaining attention for the player to feel good, but because they know it will make a person they admire smile. Because it invokes memories and feelings that lighten somber moods and create connections. I suppose you could consider it selfish - I doubt there is much at all that humans do that couldn't be considered so in some respect - but it's not so forced as you suggest.
For one, I can flirt with a man, and often do, because I do like him...but not because I want to "not be alone." Many people suffer from that, but I personally do not, and I know many other people who also don't. "Developing a relationship" could mean a couple things in my book - I flirt often with my friends, with no intention of forming a romantic or sexual relationship with them. Developing our friend relationship further might be a result, but I can do that in many other ways as well. But flirting is fun, and keeps me and the other person touching that happy feeling.
I never flirt with people I don't like, so your idea of flirting solely for my own ego boost doesn't really work. If I flirted only because it was making ME feel good, I wouldn't be very good at it. There's a certain amount of sincerity needed for it to work. Thus, because I sincerely like that person and want them to know it, I'm automatically NOT doing it just for my own ego...because my own ego is at least equaled by my wish to make that person feel good for their own sake. I could never talk to that person again, but still count the flirt well-done.
Because it has nothing to do with making my confidence better. In fact, I probably wouldn't be very good at flirting if my confidence wasn't up to a certain point. It has everything to do with confidently making that person see, just for a moment, themselves reflected in my eyes. They experience for a brief time their self that I know and care about. No longer is that man (or woman) over-worked, graying, tired, and dull. He sees himself again - interesting, worth-knowing, invigorated, attractive, and exciting. And it's a true self they see, because as humans we're multi-faceted and unfortunately get stuck seeing only a handful of ugly sides of ourselves quite often, and forget the others. I like making people see the others.
Maybe I get a selfish boost because I can say *I* made someone feel that way. That certainly makes me feel special. But they feel special too. If it worked on your principle that "more attention" equals better, then it wouldn't be so fun to do in private.
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