Insatiable Flirt

[thesummerqueen]

I thought that only corresponded with your own statement, when you said that flirting should always be about fun and ego boost, never about catching someone:

I don't think flirting should be. Flirting is a lot of fun, and shouldn't be used ONLY because you want to be with someone, anyone, or someone in particular.

Rather, I was mainly debating the nature and the method of such an ego boost that people get from flirting irrespective of whether they are being selfish or not. Of course the ego boost is selfish.

Right, you don't think people should use flirting to create a connection between the two of them that makes people feel good, because you think it's shallow and illusory. I think I stated why it wasn't - it's temporary, but it's not illusory.

I don't know, but I also think it is pretty ironic that sometimes you tell members to "fuck what other people might think," but over here you eloquently composed how great it feels just to know that this one particular person admires you and how he makes you feel as if the stars and the whole world has begun to revolve around you ... lol.

No one needs negativity and judgment. Everyone likes a little kick in their step. I don't have to actually care what some dude thinks about me to still smile if he pays me a compliment.

So per that statement, flirting has absolutely nothing to do with making your confidence better.

But earlier, you wrote that flirting should always be about ... what? Ego boost.

Okay - maybe so - I'm confident already, and the boost isn't 'fixing' anything so maybe I don't always equate the two. I'm not really understanding why you have a problem with the idea of it being a boost to either person.

So, initially, you said that flirting should always be about fun and ego boost.
Later, you change gears by saying that flirting has nothing to do with increasing your confidence.
And, finally, you turn it all the way around, i.e. by saying that it's all about making the other person feel important/special.

Ah, okay - you seemed to suggest when you first wrote in that it was about MY ego boost, hence the reason I said it's not really about mine - it's about that other person. I don't flirt with people whose egos I don't want to boost and 99% of the time I don't need it myself.

I think part of people being kinder to each other is learning to compliment each other and remind others where their strengths are and that we appreciate them for who and what they do. I try to do this to my friends when the chance arises, some of which involves flirting, and there are a lot of people who are so unused to receiving compliments or being appreciated in any form that to receive them indicates interest on the part of the giver. I think that's sad. I don't think flirting or compliment giving should be reserved only for when you want to complete a conquest of a person or start a serious relationship with them - I think everyone should do it more often. That's not to say everyone would be comfortable with it, of course. It's just what I would like to have happen.

You gave three reasons why someone would flirt...except there are more reasons than those. You're taking a very narrow view of it. And you also shut the ego part of it into a narrow, selfish box. "Forced" - you called it. In what way is it "forced?" Why wouldn't I want to flirt if my self-esteem wasn't up to par? Rather - it seems like people with lower self-esteem are the ones who DON'T flirt. You have to have confidence to make someone believe the truth you see about them. Otherwise, it doesn't work.