Your hell, Ivy, is a world in which bacon exists but turns to ash immediately upon heating, leaving nothing but cold, flaccid, intolerably chewy bacon for you to eat. All beer would be flat, and all spirits would be subjected to homeopathy; that is, it is one part alcohol for a thousand parts of water. The only men around for you to have sex with are unwashed, balding human whales who can't even get around with a Rascal scooter.
Additionally in this hell, Luckie is a nun.
Additionally in this hell, Luckie is a nun.