Can't seem to let go

[libraryowl]

I used to be a Christian until I came accross a Jewish site which convinced me that Christianity is false. Now, I would consider myself an agnostic, but I feel like I should follow a religion simply to avoid a bad afterlife. I know this sounds cowardly and that there are so many choices, but I grew up believing in a burning hell and I find the idea of this terrifying.

But I don't think I can follow a religion that condemns people for their beleifs, sexuality, race etc and this is one reason why I haven't followed a religion yet. There are a few reasons, but fear keeps me in this sort of limbo.

How can I let go of religion?

If you're honest with yourself, you probably can't.

Now I know thats going to alarm everyone. We've studied the bible, we know it contradicts itself. For those of us that have truly rejected religion, we see the biblical God not only as false, but as profoundly evil. Did you ever have the experience of looking at a crucifix, and recognizing that the Christian God hates humaity so much he put it to death on a cross? Argument has no answer for such a God. Socrates in the Phaedo and his arguments about how the just man cannot be condemned carry no weight.

I said you couldn't let go of religion. That's because religion is scary. The biblical God is, at his heart, not a rational all-knowing ruler of the universe, but a terrifying and numinous Lord of Power, who demands blood sacrifice in atonement for sin. Monsters like that don't vanish with the light. Logic and reason can't remove the terror they inspire in our hearts.

If there is an answer at all, it is courage. In Dante's inferno, Dante meets many souls that are suffering in hell, but he also meets a heretic named Farinata, "who rose from the ground," this being his punishment for denying the ressurection, "not with a look of pain but a face of utter scorn." If you become like Farinata, perhaps you could face the Biblical God (if indeed he exists) at the end of time with "a face of utter scorn," a face that reveals your contempt for his justice.

Of course, from a philosophical standpoint, the very idea that there is a God who does not conform to the universal standards of justice reveals the lie of Christianity even more, but, like I said, once that stuff gets in your head, there's nothing you can do to get rid of it.