I'm not really 100% if this is the right place to discuss this. On the other hand it feels like this is as good (or as bad) as any other place.
Quite recently my father passed away. It is the most serious loss I've ever suffered. It is only now that the fact that my father is gone is really beginning to sink in. It's hard not to become overwhelmed by negative thoughts emotions. I'n fact it's even tempting to let them.
One thing that's been extremely hard to deal with is all the practical things. Its both emotionally and physically draining. Another thing that's been smothering me is the sheer existential horror of the situation. This is the first truly irreversable event in my life. Everything else, I've at least been able to try to change, no matter how hopeless it may seem. But this -- no matter what I do, my father is still going to be gone. It brings to mind a feeling and a thought that I've had from time to time in my life. That our existence in and of itself is rather pointless. At least for all I am aware. Not a very cheerful thought, I know. I'll just have to take comfort in the fact that it doesn't torture me very often.
I've always been an atheist, and I still am. But it strikes me now, how utterly incapable the secular world seems when it comes to providing resolution and comfort in this kind of situation. All I see are useless platitudes and intellectualizations that lead you back where you started. Medicine, psychology, philosophies, sciences of all kinds... Sometimes I've felt I'd be willing to trade all of that for just a simple comforting hug.
The secular world seems to want to either run from the problem or hide it away. We are born, we exist for a short time, and then we die. All that we thought we were is erased, except the atoms that made up our bodies. Knowing the scientific principles behind this stark reality gives me no confort at all.
Scientists like to point to the wonderful complexity and seeming greatness of the universe as something to hold on to and cherish. I've always felt, and perhaps now more than ever, that this is some horseshit from people who like to feel that they're right.
Evolution, genetics, and so on. Fine -- I know about all that. But take an emotion like love hurt, for example. There is probably some evolutionary answer to why we have this emotion. I would guess, its because we're reminded not to give up on the person we've found suitable for mating. But why does this feeling persist long after all hope is lost, driving people too all kinds of antisocial and self-destructive behavior?
I'll tell you what I think. Its like the appendix. A useless vestige that will breed away in a few thousand generations, perhaps. But its not going to happen any time during our lives. Wonderful and complex sad shit, is what it is.
Psychology is really, really bad when it comes to things like this. If there is something I've learned through experience in my life, its that I don't 'deal' with things like this. I don't 'process' or somehow learn to accept them. What has happened, has happened. Enough time passes and for some reason that I don't pretend to understand, I just go on with my life.
Secular Sweden is staggeringly bad at providing ceremonies and so on that deal with loss and grief. I've come to experience this myself for the first time. It is a religious ceremony with all the god taken out. Granted -- I would rather have this than nothing, or a religious ceremony that would be an affront to my father's memory. He was an atheist, to say the least.
Ok. This was rather a lot. But I felt I wanted to vent a little. It's been a rough few days.
Quite recently my father passed away. It is the most serious loss I've ever suffered. It is only now that the fact that my father is gone is really beginning to sink in. It's hard not to become overwhelmed by negative thoughts emotions. I'n fact it's even tempting to let them.
One thing that's been extremely hard to deal with is all the practical things. Its both emotionally and physically draining. Another thing that's been smothering me is the sheer existential horror of the situation. This is the first truly irreversable event in my life. Everything else, I've at least been able to try to change, no matter how hopeless it may seem. But this -- no matter what I do, my father is still going to be gone. It brings to mind a feeling and a thought that I've had from time to time in my life. That our existence in and of itself is rather pointless. At least for all I am aware. Not a very cheerful thought, I know. I'll just have to take comfort in the fact that it doesn't torture me very often.
I've always been an atheist, and I still am. But it strikes me now, how utterly incapable the secular world seems when it comes to providing resolution and comfort in this kind of situation. All I see are useless platitudes and intellectualizations that lead you back where you started. Medicine, psychology, philosophies, sciences of all kinds... Sometimes I've felt I'd be willing to trade all of that for just a simple comforting hug.
The secular world seems to want to either run from the problem or hide it away. We are born, we exist for a short time, and then we die. All that we thought we were is erased, except the atoms that made up our bodies. Knowing the scientific principles behind this stark reality gives me no confort at all.
Scientists like to point to the wonderful complexity and seeming greatness of the universe as something to hold on to and cherish. I've always felt, and perhaps now more than ever, that this is some horseshit from people who like to feel that they're right.
Evolution, genetics, and so on. Fine -- I know about all that. But take an emotion like love hurt, for example. There is probably some evolutionary answer to why we have this emotion. I would guess, its because we're reminded not to give up on the person we've found suitable for mating. But why does this feeling persist long after all hope is lost, driving people too all kinds of antisocial and self-destructive behavior?
I'll tell you what I think. Its like the appendix. A useless vestige that will breed away in a few thousand generations, perhaps. But its not going to happen any time during our lives. Wonderful and complex sad shit, is what it is.
Psychology is really, really bad when it comes to things like this. If there is something I've learned through experience in my life, its that I don't 'deal' with things like this. I don't 'process' or somehow learn to accept them. What has happened, has happened. Enough time passes and for some reason that I don't pretend to understand, I just go on with my life.
Secular Sweden is staggeringly bad at providing ceremonies and so on that deal with loss and grief. I've come to experience this myself for the first time. It is a religious ceremony with all the god taken out. Granted -- I would rather have this than nothing, or a religious ceremony that would be an affront to my father's memory. He was an atheist, to say the least.
Ok. This was rather a lot. But I felt I wanted to vent a little. It's been a rough few days.
