Cannibalism

[John_S3V]

I've always been fascinated by cannibalism. I have to admit that I'm skeptical about the benefits that you claim for it, but I'm willing to give it a try and be disproved.

What really interests me, though, are questions like:

- What does human flesh taste like? Is it really a sort of mild pork-like flavour?

- What are the best recipes for cooking people? What herbs and spices go best with human flesh?

- And of course: what wine do you serve with it?

Gastronomically yours,

Caecilian

I'll try to answer as best I can, although I've fallen prey to bad habits like eating raw meat and cooking limbs in the microwave. It's just hard to find the time to properly cook humans.

Humans get tough and stringy with age. It is best to eat young men at the age of 15-25 years olds where as females between the ages 18 - 30 are more tender and less filling. Taste wise, it's better than chicken, but not as sweet as lobster. It's a very rewarding taste, but I wouldn't say humans are the best tasting meat.

You don't want to eat fat people. It's unhealthy and it fills your mind with depressing experiences. However, I wouldn't recommend eating real thin folk either. Part of it's about preference. I prefere a male boy around 150-180lbs or a female between 110-145lbs. You don't want them too skinny, because they won't have much meat and it's difficult to cook them without drying them out.

Here's a couple recipes for your consideration:
Corned Human and Cabbage

One 3-pound human brisket, soaked in brine
2 Tbsp allspice
8 whole cloves
4 bay leaves
Assorted vegetables (carrots, squash, bell peppers, eggplant, onions, etc.)
Freshly ground black pepper

preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Place the corned human in a colander in the sink and rinse well under cold running water. Place the corned human in a large Dutch Oven with a tight-fitting lid; add the water, bay leaves, peppercorns, allspice and cloves. Bring to a boil, uncovered, and skim off any scum (many humans are full of scum). Cover and place in oven, then braise until tender, about 4 hours. Remove meat to a cutting board and cover with foil to keep warm. Add vegetables to cooking liquids and bring to a boil. Lower heat and simmer for about 20 minutes. Carve the human into thin slices and serve with the vegetables.


Stewed Belly Looks tasty!Human Stew
Vegetable oil, for searing
2 1/2 pounds shoulder meat, cut into 2-inch cubes
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 medium onions, cut into 6ths
5 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1/3 cup all-purpose flour, or to cover
10 cups cold water, or chicken or human broth, homemade or low-sodium canned
6 sprigs parsley
6 sprigs fresh thyme
1 1/4 pounds medium red potatoes, quartered
4 medium carrots, cut into 2-inch pieces
2 celery stalks, cut into 2-inch pieces
7 canned whole, peeled tomatoes, lightly crushed
2 to 3 teaspoons red wine vinegar, or to taste

Try those out. Like I said, I don't often proper human meat properly so my repotoire of recipes is limited. Just experiment. Your best bet is to try substituting pig meat with human meat since pig genetics roughly resemble humans which means that the ingrediants will mesh together more or less the same.

FYI: Humans make for an AWESOME thanksgiving dinner if you're one of those people that gets together with a huge ass family. Instead of having to buy multiple turkeys or go huntng for that elusive Big Bird all you need do is catch yourself an unloved human and that's all you'll need.

(Oh, and be sure to eat the brain and organs. THat's essential for enlightment. Brain and heart mixed with stuffing is mmm mm good).