RE: The BS of "testimonials"
October 13, 2014 at 1:43 pm
(This post was last modified: October 13, 2014 at 1:45 pm by JesusHChrist.)
But wait! All is not lost for Hell-bound JHC!
He has had an NDE (between the last post and this one. Prove I didn't.) and the FSM did show him the wonders of pastafarian heaven. I was led down a long corridor by a pirate and I silently thought to myself (Pastafarianism is true!).
I walked down that corridor toward a bright light; eventually leading into what looked like a restaurant near Columbus Street in the North Beach area of San Francisco. As I walked toward the light, I caught whiffs of garlic, tomato and basil. I walked past stacks and stacks of cans of Cento San Marzano Italian Plum Tomatoes, case upon case of wines from Napa, Sonoma, and Eastern Washington. Even France was represented. Those bastards!
Odd, I thought....doesn't heaven have a beer volcano? I looked outside a window into the bright (Italian) sun and did see a very large volcano, spouting out a beautiful red liquid. Hot stripper chicks were out there in the sun, wearing little more than a smile, gathering the wine for subsequent bottling. With a twitch of their nose, the wine would turn into whatever was needed: Opus One? Twitch. Chateau Lafitte Rothschild? Domain Romanee? Twitch and twitch. They worked tireless and every once in a while, a pirate would put a couple $$ in their g-strings.
I entered the main dining area and was immediately attended to, by a bevy of those hot stripper chicks. Now, a gentleman doesn't, um "kiss" and tell, but suffice to say a meal in Pastafarian Heaven leaves little to be desired.
Later, the FSM made an appearance and explained Heaven has a wine, not a beer volcano as many adherents have been told. False teachings are punishable by boiling!
Then, suddenly, I felt the Earth pulling me back. No! NOOOOOOO!! I don't want to go back to my life of pasta eating, wine drinkin' and daily sex!
Oh. Wait..
Nevermind.
Now, you may not believe in Pastafarianism, but what have you got to lose? If I'm right, you win! If I'm wrong, you've lost nothing.
He has had an NDE (between the last post and this one. Prove I didn't.) and the FSM did show him the wonders of pastafarian heaven. I was led down a long corridor by a pirate and I silently thought to myself (Pastafarianism is true!).
I walked down that corridor toward a bright light; eventually leading into what looked like a restaurant near Columbus Street in the North Beach area of San Francisco. As I walked toward the light, I caught whiffs of garlic, tomato and basil. I walked past stacks and stacks of cans of Cento San Marzano Italian Plum Tomatoes, case upon case of wines from Napa, Sonoma, and Eastern Washington. Even France was represented. Those bastards!
Odd, I thought....doesn't heaven have a beer volcano? I looked outside a window into the bright (Italian) sun and did see a very large volcano, spouting out a beautiful red liquid. Hot stripper chicks were out there in the sun, wearing little more than a smile, gathering the wine for subsequent bottling. With a twitch of their nose, the wine would turn into whatever was needed: Opus One? Twitch. Chateau Lafitte Rothschild? Domain Romanee? Twitch and twitch. They worked tireless and every once in a while, a pirate would put a couple $$ in their g-strings.
I entered the main dining area and was immediately attended to, by a bevy of those hot stripper chicks. Now, a gentleman doesn't, um "kiss" and tell, but suffice to say a meal in Pastafarian Heaven leaves little to be desired.
Later, the FSM made an appearance and explained Heaven has a wine, not a beer volcano as many adherents have been told. False teachings are punishable by boiling!
Then, suddenly, I felt the Earth pulling me back. No! NOOOOOOO!! I don't want to go back to my life of pasta eating, wine drinkin' and daily sex!
Oh. Wait..
Nevermind.
Now, you may not believe in Pastafarianism, but what have you got to lose? If I'm right, you win! If I'm wrong, you've lost nothing.
