I'm very sorry
I know it is hard to give up on something when you've put a lot of time and effort in. But to use a crass poker comparison, don't throw good money after bad. You're here in this situation now, and just have to decide what to do for the best.

Feel free to send me a private message.
Please visit my website here! It's got lots of information about atheism/theism and support for new atheists.
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Please visit my website here! It's got lots of information about atheism/theism and support for new atheists.
Index of useful threads and discussions
Index of my best videos
Quickstart guide to the forum