RE: Your Favorite Violent Part of the Bible
December 28, 2014 at 10:56 pm
(This post was last modified: December 28, 2014 at 10:57 pm by SteelCurtain.)
God fucks up and backtracks.
God: "Abimelech, you fucked Sarah! Time to die, bitch."
Abimelech: "Nu uh, I didn't touch her, she told me she was his sister!"
God: "Well, give her back is what I meant! She's his property, not yours! Yeah, that's what I meant, you took her and if you don't give her back, dead city! And not just you! All yo peeps too!"
God: "Abimelech, you fucked Sarah! Time to die, bitch."
Abimelech: "Nu uh, I didn't touch her, she told me she was his sister!"
God: "Well, give her back is what I meant! She's his property, not yours! Yeah, that's what I meant, you took her and if you don't give her back, dead city! And not just you! All yo peeps too!"
Jeebus Wrote:20 And Abraham journeyed from thence toward the south country, and dwelled between Kadesh and Shur, and sojourned in Gerar.
2 And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, She is my sister: and Abimelech king of Gerar sent, and took Sarah.
3 But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou art but a dead man, for the woman which thou hast taken; for she is a man's wife.
4 But Abimelech had not come near her: and he said, Lord, wilt thou slay also a righteous nation
5 Said he not unto me, She is my sister? and she, even she herself said, He is my brother: in the integrity of my heart and innocency of my hands have I done this.
6 And God said unto him in a dream, Yea, I know that thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart; for I also withheld thee from sinning against me: therefore suffered I thee not to touch her.
7 Now therefore restore the man his wife; for he is a prophet, and he shall pray for thee, and thou shalt live: and if thou restore her not, know thou that thou shalt surely die, thou, and all that are thine.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
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