As of now I am 16. As a child I have was raised a Jehovah's Witness. Yes I am forced to do the crazy knocking on doors. Yes I am still forced to go to the meetings. Yes I am forced to ignore the 'disfellowshipped' people and whatnot. But that doesn't bother me anymore. At about the age of 14, I got baptized. I had some doubts about my religion but they were few and far between and I was being pressured into it. So I took the plunge. Three months later, I had convinced myself I didn't believe in God. Since then life has been hard.
All of my friends are Witnesses since we are not supposed to really be around people outside our faith, and I feel like an outcast. I am a closet atheist and have made it very hard to see my lack of faith to other Witnesses. Every day I have to wake up with the thought that, when I turn 18, I will have to tell my parents of my disbelief and be forced to lose contact with them. I will have to leave home, abandon my good friends and everything I have ever known. To top it off, I will have to leave the girl I have loved for three years now.
It would be so nice to think that I could continue this charade for the rest of my life. I can't go on being told that "Natural disasters are caused by Satan" and that wicked people will be wiped out by the mystical bring who has a lower IQ than Forrest Gump. How do I deal with this situation? I'm not blind to the fact that I will get over my friends being gone and the girl I truly believe I love. How can I get over my family? What if the next time I see my father, he is laying in a casket?
Has anyone been through anything similar? I try to be accepting my situation, but no matter how brave I try to be, it instills fear in me like nothing I have ever experienced.
All of my friends are Witnesses since we are not supposed to really be around people outside our faith, and I feel like an outcast. I am a closet atheist and have made it very hard to see my lack of faith to other Witnesses. Every day I have to wake up with the thought that, when I turn 18, I will have to tell my parents of my disbelief and be forced to lose contact with them. I will have to leave home, abandon my good friends and everything I have ever known. To top it off, I will have to leave the girl I have loved for three years now.
It would be so nice to think that I could continue this charade for the rest of my life. I can't go on being told that "Natural disasters are caused by Satan" and that wicked people will be wiped out by the mystical bring who has a lower IQ than Forrest Gump. How do I deal with this situation? I'm not blind to the fact that I will get over my friends being gone and the girl I truly believe I love. How can I get over my family? What if the next time I see my father, he is laying in a casket?
Has anyone been through anything similar? I try to be accepting my situation, but no matter how brave I try to be, it instills fear in me like nothing I have ever experienced.
