Changing is harder than I thought

[Redpandazzz]

I appreciate the warm welcome Sadly though, almost all those ideas would be hard to pull off. JWs are normally against campus based college because there are 'temptations' there. Lol. So that would most likely not work. Also, the girl I spoke of is what you call a 'pioneer', meaning that she devotes a ton of her time to her faith and if I mentioned any kind of disbelief, she would most definitely tell on me, no matter how she feels about me. At this point I believe my best option is to make as much money as possible and try and buy a house out of high school.

The only solution I can manage to think of is to escape my family before confrontation causes real drama. If I could find an apartment, house (or a tiny house) I could avoid breaking my parents hearts and just leaving... I'm just glad I can talk about how I feel here bottling up my thoughts haven't been good for my health.

No one should have to go through any of that. Dammit.

You said "normally" JW are against campus colleges, but even if it would ruffle some feathers, would it destroy your relationship totally like telling them? Could you frame it as something faith related? You really want to be a doctor? Or a lawyer to help JW families, or something that doesn't make it seem like you are leaving the church? Also, it seems that just leaving would break their hearts just the same. Are you sure they'd disown you if you were disfellowshipped?

With the girlfriend situation, I know it's tough to hear, but if you cannot be yourself with a person, no matter how hard it is, you should let her go. For her sake as well as yours. If she would out you for even discussing doubts, not even saying you don't believe, but just asking questions, then she can't feel the same way about you that you feel about her. If you don't feel the relationship is tenable, then why hold on to it?

Is it at all possible to have a distant relationship with your parents if you left the area after you turn 18? This way you can still be in contact with them, but not be entrapped by the JW cult?

I appreciate all the support. I don't believe I would receive any support by means of going to a college campus. They are far too against that idea to even think about it. It's not just the thought of their poor baby going and doing something that God wouldn't like, it is the pressure they would receive from other JWs for letting me go.

Also, I totally understand I have to let her go, and I will, but I have never been able to force myself to stop feeling the way i feel for her, and I've been trying for over two years now. JWs are brainwashed heavily into believing that being around people who do not share your faith are going to influence you negatively. After I state my beliefs to my parents, that's it. They will never speak a word to me. They will not write a letter. None of that. I will be publicly disfellowshipped at a meeting one night and nobody will talk to me again after that.

That's is the reason why I have been having so much stress. Thinking that those events will occur in less than two years terrifies me. It is going to be as if I was thrown into an alien world. I guess the saying is right, you must lose everything before you can gain anything...