Um hi

[2EDGY4ME]

Hello everyone. You can call me Vinyl. I've been stalking this forum for a while now. Lets start with some short info on myself. I'm 17 years old. I enjoy reading, drawing digital art, and playing video games(preferably rpgs). I was born into a Christian household. My grandparents, mother, sister, and I would go to a church miles away into a city every Sunday. Personally I never felt like I had faith in god. Me and my sister wouldn't like going inside the church, and would rather sit in a hot car than going to some boring man preaching about a  all powerful man in the sky. I've been filled with these notions for years. I was very close to becoming a atheist 3 years ago. Until I was slowly getting into a relationship with a theist. I told them that I think I was atheist, and he didn't seem to like the idea of it. So I lied. I just went about it through the time and never thought about it again. My partner often mentioned the bible to me. But it wasn't something a huge thing to think about for me like I've said. Until one day when I thought about it again. I'd sit and watch the amazing atheist, cult of dusty, the armoured skeptic etc. It had me really thinking about a god existing. I then found really no compelling evidence a god would exist I also had a very intelligent friend whom was also a atheist and occasionally we talk about philosophy and take interest in it. Going on. I'm still in love with the theist and have been in a relationship with them for years. Whenever I mention god to them, they get upset with me and say I just need to read the bible some more. My partner has mentioned before that they'll respect me for what I choose. But, I still have this pressure from them, and my family. I recently announced to my grandma my questioning to god. My religious grandma has been a Christian for 50 years. Shes determined that I become a Christian 'again'. The pressure does eat me a lot. I've had my partner and grandma pressure me with pascal's wager. I'm trying all I can to recover, or even find more things about religion. What really sucks is when I talk to people face to face about religion I choke and get nervous, then I can't remember what I was going to say. Even though I have so much to talk about. I look forward to being on this forum and I'm happy to be in a community like this. It will be helpful for my recovery possibly. I'm very familiar with forums, I'm on a lot of them. So thank you for reading this and see you around.