RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
June 18, 2015 at 8:30 am
(This post was last modified: June 18, 2015 at 8:34 am by Regina.)
If you're looking on dating websites, you're looking in the wrong place in my experience. I was on Tinder for over a year, and it would just be getting matched to guys who live 40 miles away, meeting up for a couple casual dates before realising they really weren't interested, rinse, repeat.
I think the problem is that you're actively looking for a relationship, and for some fucked up reason the world (and the gay scene in particular) hates that. I was looking for a relationship for ages, to the point where I came across desperate for one. The thing is, guys especially are terrified of commitment. They may like you, but the minute they sense you actually, yknow, want something called "commitment" from them they run a mile. That's the problem, you're probably walking into the situation making it clear you're in it for the long haul, and that's what's driving them away. I learned this the hard way myself. You don't just meet someone and call it a relationship after 3 dates, you have to go through the casual phase with them for a while until its clear you're right for eachother.
Also I say this in the nicest way I possibly can; get your shit together. If you're having any problems in life with work, employment, family issues, self-confidence, guys will sniff it out on you from the very first date. Baggage turns people off. It's not to say you need to have an amazing job and everything in your life perfect, but be confident in yourself and don't be an open book early on. If you're finding that guy after guy is turned off from you, it does say more about you than it does them (and I say that having been in your situation myself, so tough love). It's probably an indicator that, actually, you're not ready for a relationship. I've stopped looking for one now, I clearly need more time to work on myself before a relationship is going to work with someone. A relationship should compliment you, not complete you or fill a void in your life.
I think the problem is that you're actively looking for a relationship, and for some fucked up reason the world (and the gay scene in particular) hates that. I was looking for a relationship for ages, to the point where I came across desperate for one. The thing is, guys especially are terrified of commitment. They may like you, but the minute they sense you actually, yknow, want something called "commitment" from them they run a mile. That's the problem, you're probably walking into the situation making it clear you're in it for the long haul, and that's what's driving them away. I learned this the hard way myself. You don't just meet someone and call it a relationship after 3 dates, you have to go through the casual phase with them for a while until its clear you're right for eachother.
Also I say this in the nicest way I possibly can; get your shit together. If you're having any problems in life with work, employment, family issues, self-confidence, guys will sniff it out on you from the very first date. Baggage turns people off. It's not to say you need to have an amazing job and everything in your life perfect, but be confident in yourself and don't be an open book early on. If you're finding that guy after guy is turned off from you, it does say more about you than it does them (and I say that having been in your situation myself, so tough love). It's probably an indicator that, actually, you're not ready for a relationship. I've stopped looking for one now, I clearly need more time to work on myself before a relationship is going to work with someone. A relationship should compliment you, not complete you or fill a void in your life.
"Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the road, and then getting hit by an airplane" - sarcasm_only
"Ironically like the nativist far-Right, which despises multiculturalism, but benefits from its ideas of difference to scapegoat the other and to promote its own white identity politics; these postmodernists, leftists, feminists and liberals also use multiculturalism, to side with the oppressor, by demanding respect and tolerance for oppression characterised as 'difference', no matter how intolerable." - Maryam Namazie
"Ironically like the nativist far-Right, which despises multiculturalism, but benefits from its ideas of difference to scapegoat the other and to promote its own white identity politics; these postmodernists, leftists, feminists and liberals also use multiculturalism, to side with the oppressor, by demanding respect and tolerance for oppression characterised as 'difference', no matter how intolerable." - Maryam Namazie
