RE: Am I over the hill at 26?
June 27, 2015 at 7:16 am
(This post was last modified: June 27, 2015 at 7:37 am by Razzle.)
Thanks for all the advice.
First of all let me clarify - the title was badly worded, I didn't mean to imply that everyone 26 or over is over the hill! Just that I might be considered to be, because I don't drive, live with family, haven't had a relationship before etc. Also, I've heard that ageism is worse in the gay community, as is body fascism. I've always been slim but I feel like dieting and hitting the gym after any time in trendy London gay bars.
Although my self-esteem is fine and I'm proud of what I've achieved, albeit belatedly, in the face of obstacles, my concern is that other people will assume I've been either lazy or irresponsible, or if they know the real reasons, will be turned off by a history of mental disorders. It's not an option for me to hide all that from someone I'm getting to know, because it's the answer to what I was doing in the years between school and my degree.
Re: meeting people face-to-face: I've joined Meetup.com and wow, there are LOTS of social opportunities in the city, so many that their scope gets highly specific, like vegan LGBT people who also happen to like indie rock, haha. Even straight people can't afford to be so choosy in my hometown! (The average person is also significantly less attractive where I'm from - perhaps another reason I wasn't particularly interested until I started working in London.
) I'm still using OKCupid - it's strangely addictive even if ultimately useless - but I'm also making an effort to attend one of these groups and/or the gay bars up there at least once a week. I feel incredibly lucky to have a travelcard to and throughout London right now. It's Pride today and I'm going up there soon.
I met up with someone through OKC who suggested themselves that we meet, shortly after making this thread, and I thought we clicked really well, but they haven't replied to me since. I wasn't devastated or anything but it is disheartening because beforehand they said they were only looking to make new friends and not necessarily anything more, so I can't just dismiss it as lack of physical attraction, which wouldn't bother me at all. I must have been annoying or boring or offended them or something, or maybe as I feared, my mental health history turned them off even though they work in mental health.
I totally failed to pick up on on whatever it was. That's not promising.
But I am bouncing back!
For me 
First of all let me clarify - the title was badly worded, I didn't mean to imply that everyone 26 or over is over the hill! Just that I might be considered to be, because I don't drive, live with family, haven't had a relationship before etc. Also, I've heard that ageism is worse in the gay community, as is body fascism. I've always been slim but I feel like dieting and hitting the gym after any time in trendy London gay bars.
Although my self-esteem is fine and I'm proud of what I've achieved, albeit belatedly, in the face of obstacles, my concern is that other people will assume I've been either lazy or irresponsible, or if they know the real reasons, will be turned off by a history of mental disorders. It's not an option for me to hide all that from someone I'm getting to know, because it's the answer to what I was doing in the years between school and my degree.
Re: meeting people face-to-face: I've joined Meetup.com and wow, there are LOTS of social opportunities in the city, so many that their scope gets highly specific, like vegan LGBT people who also happen to like indie rock, haha. Even straight people can't afford to be so choosy in my hometown! (The average person is also significantly less attractive where I'm from - perhaps another reason I wasn't particularly interested until I started working in London.
) I'm still using OKCupid - it's strangely addictive even if ultimately useless - but I'm also making an effort to attend one of these groups and/or the gay bars up there at least once a week. I feel incredibly lucky to have a travelcard to and throughout London right now. It's Pride today and I'm going up there soon.I met up with someone through OKC who suggested themselves that we meet, shortly after making this thread, and I thought we clicked really well, but they haven't replied to me since. I wasn't devastated or anything but it is disheartening because beforehand they said they were only looking to make new friends and not necessarily anything more, so I can't just dismiss it as lack of physical attraction, which wouldn't bother me at all. I must have been annoying or boring or offended them or something, or maybe as I feared, my mental health history turned them off even though they work in mental health.
I totally failed to pick up on on whatever it was. That's not promising.But I am bouncing back!
For me
"Faith is a state of openness or trust. To have faith is like when you trust yourself to the water. You don't grab hold of the water when you swim, because if you do you will become stiff and tight in the water, and sink. You have to relax, and the attitude of faith is the very opposite of clinging, and holding on. In other words, a person who is fanatic in matters of religion, and clings to certain ideas about the nature of God and the universe becomes a person who has no faith at all. Instead they are holding tight. But the attitude of faith is to let go, and become open to truth, whatever it might turn out to be."
Alan Watts
Alan Watts
