Ex-Christian

[snowtracks]

Hi

I was an adult convert to Christianity, and then spent 20 years within the church as a very active member.  I wanted to be a minister, gained a degree in Christian Theology, and taught Religious Studies for some years.

As I studied I had to keep changing my theological position in the light of better arguments, new evidence, and my lived experience.  Christianity was unpleasant and difficult.  I became more and more liberal, painfully facing theological, ethical, and biblical issue after issue after issue.  It is like spinning plates - as soon as you find some apologetic for one issue, then the knock-on ramifications of that 'solution' cause some other dogma to wobble and you have to 'solve' that, and so on.

At some point it all became too ridiculous and tiring to continue.  There were simply too many wobbling plates, too much evidence against, too many problems.  And it was just best to let them all fall and go do something else with my life.

And so I did.  It was a hard long process that slow erosion of my faith.  Not easy.  And I have great sympathy with those who struggle in that way.  I have ex-Christian friends who are still scared of hell years later.  And the negative effects of religious abuse, or poor faith-informed life choices still haunts them (as it does me).  

And it's not easy being outside of all faiths now either.  Although in many ways it opened up new vistas of freedom and liberty, and removed many burdens of guilt and cognitive dissonance, it came with its own burdens of felt absence and loss - and the nihilistic, physicalist universe I now accept as the most likely accurate view of reality holds little comfort and much horror.

It seems you cannot really win, and I appreciate how hard it is to de-convert and how hard it can be for some to face the nature of reality without faith.

So that's me, and why I'm here, I guess

Feel free to ask question or make comments.

Not going to find any solace over here among this group. They believe that a fully functional human brain organ developed without a 'mind' previously existing. Well, it could be you also believe that. If that be the case, then you became vain in imagnation and your foolish heart became darkened.