A person who needs help.....

[Orchids]

Hey Orchids:

I'd like to ask some questions. Please don't feel obligated to answer any if you don't want to. 

How old are you?

You talked about "a wild spectacular recovery from a temporary spine paralysis". Can you tell us more about this event?

When you say "He mentally told me that he was happy about my happiness about my amazing recovery" and "mentally engaged in verbal talk with him" do you hear the words as in a person to person conversation or like with a phone conversation (external source) or are they more like an exchange of thoughts (internal source)?

You mentioned "because he won't leave me alone" and "The more I try to expel him out of my head and the harder he clings to it". Is this the memory of the events or are the visions/conversations continuing?

I'm a fan of CBT or just CT also. Are you in therapy now?

Thanks and Best Wishes.

Thank you for your care Mh.brewer.
1/-I cannot divulge my age considering that this is a public forum but I can say that I am old enough.
2/-I have a back problem. I had a bulged disk in 2003 (It was MRIed). Then in 2007 I must have had something worse (I injured myself at the gym during a work out) as I turned into a case basket to like about probably a good 95% at least within 3 days. That means as far as mobility, I had what was left: 5% or less. I was pinned to my bed for 5 days total.  I had no health insurance a the time. I just waited at first to see if I will come back from it as I always have in the past. But it got worse and worse. When I realized I was in black hole, I intuitively started to forgive and ask to be forgiven. I was in a living hell because my body was burning from head to toes. So I didn't not eat or sleep during that entire time. The forgiveness thing and prayer lasted for exactly 48 hrs non stop. After which I got up and walked!!!! This is just the condensed version.
3/-I received mental impressions. But the sentence was "I am happy that you are happy about your recovery.", so it was not auditory but purely mental while I looked at him. He also gave me a light discreet smile. When I talk to him I do it mentally with my mouth shut.

4/-No things happen that I know have to do with him. One time for example I was mentally beating on him for the same problems and without any warning, A sudden silhouette of a man was erected in my mind who looked downcast and very sad. I knew that he did that to appeal to my noble side and get me to shut up. I did, burst into tears and asked him to forgive me. Also as far as the events, they do occasionally come back and get me to realize that I know too much and therefore I cannot allow myself to walk away. but I am exhausted. I need to go.

All I want you to do is find a way I could use as a scissor and cut the main cable to all of that. This is what I need.
Please help me. And I am glad you are fond of CT. I think it's a responsible form of treatment. Some just look for magical pills and I don't do that. I'd rather be taught how to modify and correct my own perceptions along with my behavior for the better if they need to be corrected.
Thank you so much again for caring.

Thank you all so much. May you all be Blessed on all levels of your lives .