To spank or not to spank?

[MTL]

My Mother "spanked" me.  A lot.  I'm still covered in scars from her "spankings".  Her favorite thing was her "railroad track".  It was a Hot Wheels Track piece.  She wound one end with duct tape for a handle.  She would swing that thing until she was exhausted.  I was her stress relief and punching bag, and I still thought it was all my fault, I was an evil little demon child who didn't pray and read her bible enough.  (I never spoke back.  I got straight A's in school. These "spankings" would be over a spoon that I didn't get clean enough, or dust on my dresser.  I got it about three times per week, from the age of 4 until 16.)
She also burned me with the tip of her clothes iron, to show me what hell was like.  She is, after many decades, still the most terrifying person on the planet.

I have seen parents give their toddlers a quick swat on the behind, and it worked.  Got their attention.  I have heard stories of spankings (even with a switch) where the buildup and discussion were much worse than one or two quick swats with a switch.

I would worry about the possibility of a parent losing their temper and going far beyond.  I think, after much study of psychology and motivation, that there are much better methods of parenting.  There are ways to get even a toddler to a basic understanding of cause and effect, as just one example.

I would say your case was definitely worse than mine.

My parents hit me hard, and often, and a lot at a time, and on parts of myself that shouldn't have been hit.

but they never used anything hard on me, like this piece of toy railway track you refer to,
and NEVER a burn.  I mean, my god.

Especially when you say that you were " her stress relief and punching bag",
and that "she would swing that thing until she was exhausted".

That's not discipline.  That's abuse.  Plain and simple.

But I was able to relate when you said,

"I got straight A's in school.
These "spankings" would be over a spoon that I didn't get clean enough,
or dust on my dresser. "

Same here.  I never did anything as a child that could be described as full defiance,
and that's a big part of the reason why I think that the "discipline" was too much.

My parents were not consistent about being calm, either;
they tried, but they did lose their temper at times.

Sometimes the discipline was calm and measured on their part;
but sometimes they just got frustrated and lashed out,
and I agree that all that does is teach the child that if you're angry, it's okay to hit.

Also, in administering punishment, my Dad seemed to get ANGRIER, with each stroke.
Mom finally had to stop him, once, and he whirled on her like he wanted to hit her, in that moment,
although he never did.

(It is worth noting that I love my Dad and I actually respect and get along with him better than I do,
with my Mother.

My Dad suffered physical and verbal abuse at the hands of HIS mother
...and my Grandmother was more like what your mother sounds like.)