To spank or not to spank?

[Jenny A]

That is the question! What is your stance on physical discipline? This includes soap and hot sauce punishments and other forms of discipline.

Personally I say it's a no go on anything like that but me and bf are still arguing about it. So far we've come to an uneasy truce, we plan using as a last resort and only until around 7ish. And he's doing. I want nothing to do with hitting my kid. I'm hoping he'll change his mind when we actually start having the little buggers.

I don't think spanking is always child abuse although it certainly can be.  And I think that in some cases taking away privileges instead can be child abuse.  It's a matter of degree and proportion.  I can't think of a circumstance where getting out the belt is appropriate.  Nor can I think of a circumstance where locking a child in their room everyday after school with no form of entertainment for weeks on end is appropriate.

My parents weren't anti spanking, they just didn't much and the couple and I do mean couple of times they did it were immediate quick and then over.   Mom popped my fingers if they were doing something they shouldn't (like get into dinner before dinnertime) just after I'd been told not to.  My parents didn't take away privileges much either.  Mostly a look was sufficient.   We've raised our girls the same way.  And it's worked just fine 99.9999% of the time.

But it doesn't always work.  When she was about three, my youngest started biting her sister.  She bit hard and while it didn't pierce the skin it left marks and I was afraid she would eventually draw blood.  Time out and talking did not stop her from doing it again.  So I told her that if she bit her sister again, I'd bite her.  She did and I did.  I didn't leave marks.  But I did make it crystal clear that biting really hurts.  That was the end of her biting career.   She claims not to remember, but I do.  I had to think awhile about that one.

I've seen parents spank their children under circumstances that make great sense to me.  One such was a woman in a park who's three or four year old boy ran out into the street with his mother behind him and cars honking.  Fetched back and lectured, he grinned and ran again.  She caught him before he reached the street and spanked him right there exactly as long as necessary to make him yell.  It appeared to work.