The Rooster

[Haipule]

What sort of god would let eggs exist for so long without bacon?

A new philosophical question:  what came first, the bacon or the egg?

I'll answer that. Egg laying raptors existed long before mammals. You see, according to Genesis, the earth was in a snowball state and the breath of God breathed on it(global warming) then God turned the lights back on and warmed the earth. Then He made man and a garden with flowers, animals, bird and fish, after there own kind(no evolution) the likes of which had never been seen before.


So the earth has been around for hundreds of billions of years before that event. So, a long, long time ago, a demon fucked a gecko and out popped a brontosaurus! You see, according to Genesis, demons have polypollinating sperm. They will fuck anything and turn that thing into a super. That is the unnatural selection that scientists call "evolution" by "punctuated equilibrium". Whenever the dinosaurs became too big and destructive, God wiped them out over and over again.

Then the earth had mammals and the demons did some monkey lovin'.

So a demon fucks a pig and makes a super pig. He fertilizes a large fish and makes a super fish. He crosses the super pig with the super fish and wham! Dolphin! That's how the dumbest thing on earth, a herding animal, became the smartest and could survive the flood of Noah's day. And that's right: all sea mammals taste like pork! Whether whale, manatee, dolphin or seal, they all taste like pork! Eggs then bacon then bacon and eggs--Thank God!

I had a vision/*sarcasm

The rest is history!