(April 21, 2009 at 2:10 pm)leo-rcc Wrote:(April 21, 2009 at 1:50 pm)Rizzo Wrote: Finally, I started my own transition, but I still can't help but think, I would be alot happier and more successful now if I had transitioned sooner and that probably would have happened if society hadn't made me feel like a freak.
I swear, if I wasn't an skeptic I'd start believing in Karma. I used to run a bulleting board for transsexuals in the Netherlands. Your story is one I've read probably dozens of times. It is saddening to know that so many transsexuals are not coming forward out of fear and shame. I also know that because of the hormonal and emotional rollercoaster ride transsexuals get into as they go into transition the suicide rate is very high. I've lost some friends from the transsexual community to suicide. All the more reason to make sure transsexuals get the best care possible in their journey.
Yep. First words I said to my therapist at the very beginning of my transition were "I feel like I'm a freak."
I spent most of my life as an outcast. I thought maybe I was gay but I didn't even really fit in with gay guys.
I remember, before, my life was kinda just a haze of red hot anger. No reason for it, I was just generally angry. Since I've started estrogen, I've only really gotten angry once. I had a long history of psych meds to help me, but none of them had half the impact that estrodial did. I can't explain it any better than to say, emotionally, I've always been chaotic before and now, finally, I'm at peace with myself.
And, yeah, it's not just me. I read that half of all transsexuals die by age 30. Usually because of suicide. I went to a support group and, out of about a dozen or so trans-people in the room, there were four of us who admitted attempting suicide with our pasts (ironically, all the m2f people used pills while the f2m used a gun). Feeling like I fit in really helped; getting the correct hormones in my system helped even better.
As for me, it wasn't the religious community that held me back asmuch, though. My dad did what all dads try to do: turn their "son" into another version of himself. Who is my dad? Big jock. I was raised on a baseball field where one of the worst insults you can get is to do something "like a girl." You can only imagine how I felt because.... I GOT THAT ALL THE TIME! I really had to watch myself and avoid doing things as they came naturally to me because I did them the girly way and got made fun of for it. As puberty hit and depression got worse, my dad was more and more convinced that being active and into sports would help, but it didn't. If anything, trying to fit in with the locker room talk made things worse.
