Five Solved ‘Unexplained Mysteries’ of 2011
|
Five Solved ‘Unexplained Mysteries’ of 2011
|
Basically what it says on the tin:
http://www.centerforinquiry.net/blogs/en...s_of_2011/ My favourite is
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
 Quote:a mysterious glowing light hovered high above the Dome of the Rock, an ancient Islamic shrine in Jerusalem. I thought that was mohammed lighting farts from his flying horse?
I actually like that explanation more than the proper one. I so want it to be true, purely for the absurdity.
While I'm here, anyone else having trouble with my spoiler tag not working or is it just me again?
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
 RE: Five Solved ‘Unexplained Mysteries’ of 2011
December 30, 2011 at 11:48 pm
(This post was last modified: December 31, 2011 at 12:11 am by Anomalocaris.)
The five unexplained mysteries of 2011?
1. How did Michelle Bachmann make itself look so human? 2. How did Ron Paul unembalm himself? 3. How much of Newt Gingrich's appearent bulk actually consist of stuffing made from his wife's hair? 4. How did they make Mitt Romney look so life like? 5. What did they do with Rick Perry's pituitary gland? 
now what is the top 5 unexplained mystery for 2012? Why the world didn't end? lol
 (December 30, 2011 at 11:48 pm)Chuck Wrote: The five unexplained mysteries of 2011?Oh, these are easily explained. (December 30, 2011 at 11:48 pm)Chuck Wrote: 1. How did Michelle Bachmann make itself look so human?When her DNA was being spliced together, they made sure all of her dominant physical appearance traits were human. Despite this limitation, she still feeds on ignorance and the occasional few pounds of human skin. (December 30, 2011 at 11:48 pm)Chuck Wrote: 2. How did Ron Paul unembalm himself?He was never embalmed. He achieved Lichdom thanks to having received the secret of undeath passed to him from his undead master, Zhass Tom of the Red Wizards of Thay. He uses his divine magic to hide his true appearance - a cleric domain spell granted to him from his deity "the Market." "The Market will decide." He chants. "The Market is perfect." He chants. "The Invisible Hand guides us all." He prays. (December 30, 2011 at 11:48 pm)Chuck Wrote: 3. How much of Newt Gingrich's appearent bulk actually consist of stuffing made from his wife's hair?That's actually a liberal media fabrication that was fabricated by the conservative media. The truth is that Newt Gingritch is a fully grown live cabbage patch child. (December 30, 2011 at 11:48 pm)Chuck Wrote: 4. How did they make Mitt Romney look so life like?Romney is a figment of the collective imaginations of all 300 million Americans. It is not a result of drugs or alien communications, but instead, it is the result of the GOP talking points becoming so ingrained into the collective conciousness that it instead gained a human likeness and occasionally appears to us on television. Obvioiusly reporters, newscasters, journalists, pundits, and politicans given their massive exposure to GOP talking points have it far worse whereas we seem to only hallucinate him on television when the news is on. (December 30, 2011 at 11:48 pm)Chuck Wrote: 5. What did they do with Rick Perry's pituitary gland?Rick Perry sold his pituitary gland to Michelle Backhman for 117,000 USD and a taco bell coupon good for 20 chalupas and four large soft drinks of his choice. The deal was made as a part of a larger deal to force republicans to have to choose between batshit insane and batshit corrupt after forcing out the competition. Perry has blundered their deal, however, so Bachman ate his pituitary gland anyway and didn't pay him the money. Perry plans to respond to the insult by passing HPV legislation in Bachman's home state through backroom deals and bribery as revenge.
If today you can take a thing like evolution and make it a crime to teach in the public schools, tomorrow you can make it a crime to teach it in the private schools and next year you can make it a crime to teach it to the hustings or in the church. At the next session you may ban books and the newspapers...
Ignorance and fanaticism are ever busy and need feeding. Always feeding and gloating for more. Today it is the public school teachers; tomorrow the private. The next day the preachers and the lecturers, the magazines, the books, the newspapers. After a while, Your Honor, it is the setting of man against man and creed against creed until with flying banners and beating drums we are marching backward to the glorious ages of the sixteenth centry when bigots lighted fagots to burn the men who dared to bring any intelligence and enlightenment and culture to the human mind. ~Clarence Darrow, at the Scopes Monkey Trial, 1925 Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~Ronald Reagan |
|
« Next Oldest | Next Newest »
|
Five Solved ‘Unexplained Mysteries’ of 2011
| Possibly Related Threads... | |||||
| Thread | Author | Replies | Views | Last Post | |
| Greatest Mysteries | Statler Waldorf | 23 | 7174 |
July 20, 2011 at 7:58 pm Last Post: Shell B |
|
